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3 Bumps

Makes me so mad !

I was engaged and had a son with a man 6 years ago... he was lazy, selfish, and horrible but of course i didnt realize this until after I had our baby....

As time went on, we broke up ( before his 1st birthday) ... I finished school and I have a great job and just bought my first house - I have always been the one taking care of my son... occasionaly he would want to spend time with him but it was just here and there...

He is now living with another girl - they have been together for 3 years and she is pregnant with their 3rd son ( so he is going on 4 sons) ..... at first I liked her, she seemed very nice and I trusted her .. my son spent the night with them twice and would go over for a visit every other week.... this went on for about 3 months and things were nice...

Then I found out that her drug addicted brother was living with them and was the babysitter ( my best friend's husband is a cop and he said that her brother even has a warrant out for his arrest) .....

So of course I expressed my concern about this ... and that was the last time they seen my son--- THEY are the ones who stopped calling and stopped trying to visit him...

8 months after that was his birthday, we got a birthday card in the mail... then at christmas another card... and that was it... that is all there ever is ( christmas and birthday cards) phone calls, no visits...

after 2 years of this I filed for full custody and I got it ( he didnt show up to court) ....

Now we live in a small town, we know the same people and I even have a family member that is close friends with her...

She is always posting things on Facebook about how my sonis going to hate me for ME KEEPING HIM AWAY.... and about how great of a dad he is and I just wont let him be ( of course she also has posted how he as stole money from her purse and left them on christmas day) .....they even had the nerve to claim him on their income taxes last year ! ( I had to make a report to the IRS ) ...

So, really my sonis going to hate me ?

We ran into them at a store and my son didnt even know who he was... and she started screaming at me in front of everyone ( including the kids) and if she does that in public, imagine what she does in private ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (12)
  • No, be thankful they cut him out when they did. He is in no way a good Dad. She's saying this crap either to piss you off or bolster her deluded self. Either way, it's not for you to worry over. You take GREAT care of your son. In fact, they did you a favor. Keep away as far as possible, I see no benefit to drag this out. One day, if you want, you'll meet a new person who will be wonderful. But I can see how this makes you mad. Sounds to me like you're put together in such a way that you can overlook this for both your sakes. I think that is what you should do. IGNORE ALL OF IT.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:59 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • its his loss gurl .....seriously move on there is some one who will love u no matter what....promise

    Answer by shorti4twenty at 12:59 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • If he claimed your son go to your nearest IRS office and request an audit so you can file your son. You're missing out on some money girl. I'm a licensed tax preparer and I go to bat when I find out ppl have done this to any of my clients.

    About the douche bag, FUCK HIM seriously, block the gf and him on FB and act as if they don't exist. If he wants to see his son he can he knows he can, he's just being a B!@#

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:00 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Your ds does NOT need to be staying with them at all! That woman sounds like a psycho and no the dad isn't a good dad because if he was he wouldn't be letting an addict care for his son. Keep ds with you. Don't be surprised though is your ex tries getting custody. Start documenting these occurrences NOW and leave a paper trail so that they wont have a leg to stand on.


    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 1:03 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Cut them off, the boy does not need the BS in his live.

    And you should not want him anywhere near them too.

    Like said above start documenting everything they do.

    Also you just need to tell your son is the truth and that his safety came first.

    Answer by gammie at 1:47 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Your son will think what he wants to think. You do not have control over that. He most likely will have questions and most likely they will be hard ones to answer. 80% of our thinking and perception is about experience - not what we tell them verbally. If you provide a stable and loving home his experience will be he can trust in you and believe in you. He can believe in you when you tell him his father's home was not the most secure environment for him to be in. If you give him reason over the years to perceive that he can't trust you because experience has shown him you are not always truthful - I'm sure there will be a lot of resentment. The lesson: be the best mother you know how to be. And don't entertain drama. Who cares about small town gossip? It really only matters if you let it matter. Who cares about FB? It really can be nothing more than a drama machine. Don't be a drama mama, continue to be his mom.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:29 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Oh poo, of course not. He won't be seeing his no good father and I don't think he will be on facebook anytime soon. When he asks about his father, tell him truth.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:33 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • My first thought is always to not ever expose my kid to that. But I have this guy friend, who was legitimately screwed by his ex and not permitted to see his daughter. (She moved out of state, with no notice, he couldnt find them for years etc..) And has since been reunited with his teenage daughter. Now his ex told all sorts of horrible lies about him during that time, and their relationship has been repaired. He always says to let them keep visiting etc, and that in the end the kids figure out who's the liar, and who's the real parent.
    So I am sure that this mans antics are terribly frusterating, but if he re surfaces and wants to see his kids, I would have to try out supervised visitation.

    Answer by new_mom808 at 6:23 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Your son will not hate you. You tell him the truth and it will be fine. I have gone through similar with my ex (though he is still around every once in a while).

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Just do your part and be his mother thats all that counts

    Answer by wowiemommy at 12:38 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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