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should i take my out of control neice in untill her mom finishes school?

OK moms i know its really late
but earlier i received a disturbing call from my sister on my fathers side she was crying and she just seemed completely stressed out before i continue with my question here is the run down on my sister:
shes currently in medical school she graduates in June
she ha 10 year old daughter
her daughters father isn't in her life he often calls and brakes promises to her daughter so she just rather not deal with him
its just her and her daughter who lives in a 2 bedroom apartment she has no car she takes the bus
she works
she has a boyfriend who is in and out of jail


OK well as i was saying she called me telling me that she was ready to send my niece away to a foster care and she just couldn't do it anymore
my niece got out of school at 1 o'clock today which means she should of been on the bus at 1:20 and she should of been home by 3:00 well my sister called her cell phone about a 20 times and she didn't answer so when my sister got home she still wasn't there my sister called the police called all of our family members well my car is in the shop right now and since my husband was already out i told him to go look for my nieces he finally found her at 7:52pm walking from her friends house he took her home,my sister called me and she told me this isn't the first time shes done this she told me that my niece has been getting in trouble at school a lot lately shes been changing her clothes after she leaves the house,shes been disrespecting my sister she has been going to school late my sister graduates in June and she already has a lot on her plate she asked me can i keep her daughter until she graduates that way she"ll be working and she will have a car,so she can pick her up from school
i don't mind helping out my sister i really don't it has nothing to do with money either its just i don't want my niece to get here and corrupt my daughters
what should i do?

Answer Question
 
LABELmeCUTE

Asked by LABELmeCUTE at 2:24 AM on Dec. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (1,951 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Honestly, I would offer to watch her every once in a while to help out, but not take her in. She needs to learn to respect her mother and she's probably going to have even less if she goes to live with you. Seems like you sister needs to show your niece a bit of tough love and start being more of a hard ass.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:27 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Maybe your sister needs to cut off contact with father he is showing her child adults do not have to keep their word and she is learning how to behave from this. Maybe its time for some counseling to find out what can be done before she gets herself into real trouble maybe she should also find an after school club for her so she meets better influences. Like the pp said helping her out once and a while is okay but not taking her she still has to respect her mom.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • honestly i think your niece needs alittle stability in her life her relationship with her dad is not stable and all the her mom is doing the right thing she sees no stability in her mothers boyfriend tough love and stability is what she needs maybe being around your daughters and a male figure who isn't flaky is what she needs i think you and your sister need to sit down an explain to her what is going to happen if she continues to stay on this path
    anonymous1108

    Answer by anonymous1108 at 3:13 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Awww thanks for the great answers you moms are truely the best:)I want to take her in I really do but its gonna be hard my husband agreed to it even tho he's barely here(he works and goes to school) he believes in raising young ladies into Presentable young ladies and Not fass tail little girls I think im going take her in its only for a few months anyways and I can teach her some home training and some respect besides her mother has to much going on right now
    LABELmeCUTE

    Comment by LABELmeCUTE (original poster) at 3:41 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • We watch our nieces for SIL while she is at work. I can tell you this, since we have a stable home, and are strict they act a thousand times better with me than with her. She has both on medication, while with us we asked her to not put them on it. They follow all rules and polite while not on meds at our house, but refuse to with her. I do think that having the stable environment here is what makes the difference in them

    fallnangel3

    Answer by fallnangel3 at 6:29 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Yeah really sounds like mom needs to get her priorities straight. While i realize she is going to school and I commend her for that a 10 yr old is not responsible enough to go home like they are supposed to after school. She needs to find her a YMCA program or something for after school. She also needs to spend a lil time with her and get the lil girl into some counseling it might help.
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 7:49 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • she's crying out for help... your niece that is.... i think there is alot built up in her and she doesn't know how to express it... you know with what you said about her father really not in her life and breaking promises, and her moms new bf in and out of jail really doesn't give her a positive out look on a male figure to even look up too.... she may get to the point where she will try to find that within men at one point... and that is really scary... i'm proud of her mom going to school and finishing but this is her daughter and needs to find a way to balance the two out... yeah i would be awesome if you could watch her every now and then but that should be the most of it... GL
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 8:54 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • IMO you shouldnt be taking her in. Your sister needs to put her foot down, be a mom, and use some tough love on the girl. If you want to pick her up after school, and bring her home until her mom has finished studying thats great. But eventually she will go back to her mom, and if her mom cant deal with her now, how will she deal with her when she has a F/T job? But again, just my opinion...
    IF you DO end up taking her in, you need to sit down with her mom, and talk about the things your neice does, and the way YOU will be punishing her for it. Tell her about the changes you will be making in her daughters life and routine, the way you will handle everything, and see how she feels about it. If she is completely fine with your disciplining choices, you need to make sure that when she eventually takes her daughter back, she will be on board with following through. Or nothing will have truly changed for your niece. GL
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 2:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

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