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Holding things over someone's head for too long?

We rarely fighjt, but when we do, my DH revers to bringing up stuff I did years ago. He does that to reinforce his complaint about whatever it is I've done right now.

I get sick of it. He has to stop dredging up old crap. Isn't the a statue of limitations on things you can bring up after awhile? lol

I told him I must be doing pretty good if you can only use ancient examples to support your case. He rarely does that, only when he's really angry and desperate to win the argument.

He seems like he'll have gotten past these things then they crop up years later. Ticks me off. Any advice?


Edit: The fight wasn't over any deal breakers or anything major. He just keeps bringing up these old things that it appears I'll never live down. Aren't we all allowed to have made mistakes. Don't we get credit for having learned from them and maturing? Let it go already. The fight was over really dumb everyday stuff.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Um yeah my husband does this, too. Or if we're arguing about something he did that I don't agree, he'll be like "what about this time where you blah blah blah" and most of the time it doesn't really pertain, it happened several years ago, and I'm sitting here this whole time thinking it's resovled and we fixed whatever issue it was then. It annoys the hell out of me so if you can figure out a way to get them to stop this arguing technique let me know! lol

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 9:59 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Not sure what you've done, but time doesn't really make your partner forget your behavior. I still think about things my husband did 8 yrs ago. If the argument fits the crime, I'll use the example.
    I didn't say this behavior is healthy, but I understand it.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:17 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Anyone who brings up past mistakes hasn't really fogiven in the first place.. Part of forgiving is to leave it in the past.. When you bring it up over and over again, you are still punishing.. In my opinion, that is not how you treat a loved one.. Especially a spouse.. If it were me, the next time he did that I would simply tell him that until he can be mature enough to fight fair, this discussion is over and walk away..
    Let him argue with himself for a while.. IMO

    Answer by ObiRenKenobi at 10:39 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I don't have any advice but I agree that he needs to let it go... is it something major like an affair or that you didn't send his morether her mothers day card one year? If its major perhaps therapy would be a thought?

    Answer by elyssek832 at 9:18 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • When my SO brings up "old issues" I just tell him I refuse to discuss this again". Usually he knows to back off, because I will not fight over something that has already been resolved, he can if he wants to.

    Answer by bellsandheels at 12:10 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • He just wants to dredge up anything he possibly can in order to win the argument, so let him. Just walk away.

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:36 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • hmm good ideas, girls. Thanks

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:41 PM on Dec. 17, 2010