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How to handle unforgiving family members when your spouse is cheating?

My husband has been cheating on me. I just found out a few days ago. My mother knows and she is not happy with him but understands that we are trying to work things out and is being very supportive. My sisters and dad do not know. I am concerned because Christmas is coming and we are to be at my sisters house one day and my dad's house with my sisters the next. My 8 year old daughter knows and though I have repeatedly said this is our concern I am worried she may say something and then there will be a big blow-up at Christmas since my husband will be attending. One of my sisters has always made jokes saying my husband has a girlfriend, it was never a big deal in 10 years till now because it is no longer funny but she doesn't know and I am afraid she may say this and then my daughter will talk thinking she already knows. I would like as few of people as possible to know. We are really trying and if it doesn't work fine they can find out then. But I would at least like the chance without being judged and ruining Christmas with my family and my kids. I am already going through enough right now.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Just in case, I'd practice what I would say if it does happen! Keep it simple and don't over react but above all, don't get angry with dd if she slips. I'd let dh handle it if something got said too. He created the situation. Let him take the heat
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:38 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • That's tough. I would have kicked his ass out the minute I found out. I hope everything works out. If your sister starts with her "jokes", just let her know that you do not appreciate it and ask her to stop. Of course, that might cause her to realize what is going on. If everyone does find out, just remind them that it is your life and you are trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Best of luck to you. God Bless!
    christy_lvr

    Answer by christy_lvr at 11:55 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • First of all, the judgment will be of him, not you. I'm afraid there's not much you can do. If something is said, your husband needs to handle it with grace, take responsibility and show some real regret. Your family loves you, and will be concerned for you. He has to earn back your trust, but he also has to earn back their respect.

    If something does come out, I would just say, "You know, it's Christmas, and I don't think this is the time to talk about it. I appreciate that you're concerned, but I'd like to enjoy the holiday with my family."
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:56 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I'm sorry but your family has every right to judge you slim ball of a husband. They are just trying to protect you. How did your daughter find out? She's only 8 and I'm sure it's and for her to understand everything and why she needs to be quiet about this. Just talk to her one more time and maybe tell your sister how her saying he has a girlfriend hurts you and to please stop or have her at lease not say it in front of your daughter
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:56 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I think at theis point you have to just stop worrying, what happens is going to happen, and there is a good chance nothing will happend. Worrying about it right now isnt going to help anything. Im sorry that you are going through this, and I hope you are both able to work it out.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 11:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • If she DOES bring it up, don't freak out over it, just change the subject and if anyone questions u about it just tell them you don't feel that it's appropriate to discuss it in front of the children and that since it's the holidays you don't want to talk about unhappy things right then. Or you could tell them to just mind their own damn business lol :) Good luck!
    Platinum_Mommy

    Answer by Platinum_Mommy at 12:12 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I don't think it's fair of you to ask your daughter to keep such a secret. Secrets like that tend to create family rifts and stress, especially for children. I get wanting to keep it secret because you're afraid of being judged, but right now you're afraid of being judged and how to keep the secret. If you're just honest, you'll probably find out that your family will be mad at him (as they should be) but also supportive. You'll probably also find out that other people are more concerned about their own secrets than yours. Don't worry. Don't go shouting things from the rooftops, but if they find out, they find out. Life will continue.
    SuperChicken

    Answer by SuperChicken at 1:00 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Have you ever thought your sister hasn't been joking all these years? Maybe she knows more than you think she knows. As for the dd, just tell her not to discuss it, that it's private. It's not a SECRET laid on a child. It's teaching her not to put private business out in the streets or to "air dirty laundry" even to other family members. Not everything needs to be shared.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:37 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I think I might confront it head on and call the sister and tell her not to tell the joke. If she realizes why, well, isn't that better in private than around the Christmas table...priority #1 is to spare your 8 year old....So, my answer is to nip it in the bud now, in private, even though it might be embarrassing for you.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:25 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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