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Can he do this?

Im 6 months pregnant and my babies dad said that once hes born hes going to have his dad use his money and make sure that my son gets taken from me. I'm on assistance right now and I don't have a job, but thats it and I'm looking, I'm trying b=my best to get one, its just hard right now. He doesnt have a job either and he drinks and parties all the time. Can he get my baby and take him to other state so I can't see him ever?

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Asked by J.e.n at 1:30 PM on Nov. 8, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • It is very hard to take away a baby from a Mother- there would have to be prood beyond a doubt that she is unfit and being on assistance does not classify as that. When your baby is born I would be sure to never left "dad" be alone with the baby and a matter of fact I would give the baby your last name- certainly not his. If it would make you feel more comfortable, talk with your case manager about what he said, I am sure that he/she can reassure you that the chances of him getting your baby is slim to none. Good luck and try not too worry too much.

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 1:33 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Like the other poster said, do not put his name on the birth certificate. Make him file to have that done. And shes right never leave him alone with the baby. If he tries to take the baby he legally cant if his name isnt on the birth certificate he will have to file with the court and he will have to pay for all the costs, including the dna tests. Good Luck honey, just remember dont let them push you around. Just because you are on assistance right now does not make you unfit. IT proves that you will do what you have to do to take care of your child.

    Answer by kiko2mommy at 1:50 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • You need to look into the laws regarding custody and visitation in your state. Yes, it is something you need to worry about and try to control before it happens. Don't let him take the baby, it he takes him and doesn't give him back, the court will side in his favor because they view it as that he already had the baby and then you have to prove why he's unfit and your the better parent. Before your in middle of a custody fight, it would be to gather any proof you can. It might even be worth it to not put his name on the birth certificate right away.

    Answer by Lornamay at 1:54 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I agree with the other posters.  There are jobs you can get to even bring in something, being on assistance isn't a problem, it's the lack of any income coming in that the court will ask what do you have to provide for your child.  Maybe look at literally "any" job you can get, home daycare licensing included, which would allow you to stay with your child and not place him in a daycare center, but also bring in an income and experience that if you get license and are willing to get a few ECE units at your local collage will open a door to daycare centers, schools and such places that will help provide income and time with your child.  I am sorry this is happening, but yes, it's something you will have to worry about, and I also agree with the other posters, don't place him on the birth certificate, he took no active role in supporting you and this baby through pregnancy.


    Answer by Knightquester at 2:12 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • just to clarify I am actively looking for a job, I am going to Michigan Works through my DHS cash grant and they are going to help me find a job, my appointment just isn't until the 12th. And I am putting apps in everywhere but the economy in Michigan sucks so bad that people who can work long term can't get jobs much less someone who is 6 months pregnant and will to take sometime off in 3 months to give birth.

    Answer by J.e.n at 2:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • He will also have to prove that you are unfit to be a mother. Make a list of all the reasons you believe he is unfit to raise a child and make SURE you don't do anything that might hurt your case. As long as you are a good mother they won't take your baby from you just because you are unemployed. But it will help you, if you are making an effort to get a job or go back to school.

    Answer by amydh at 3:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I completely agree with everyone who said not to give your baby his last name. He has to prove you are an unfit mother so make sure you keep yourself clean and that if you have roommates make sure there are no drugs in the house. (I'm only saying that because I know someone who had her son taken away because her roommate had some in his room, not because I think you might do that). I wish you the best hon.

    Answer by katie23 at 4:11 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • See if you can't make it so he can only see the child with supervised visits. There are places you can meet up for that kind of thing in most states for that reason alone. If he's threatning you, you should really report it and contact anyone that might be able to help. Do everything in your power to prevent it from happening.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 4:18 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Also.. consider breast feeding. I am not a breast feeding Nazi - I did BF... but if you're breastfeeding you have an even stronger argument for why the baby can't be away from you as a newborn. :) Certainly, it can't spend nights away or even more then a few hours away from you. I think you should look into a pell grant or some money for school and try taking online classes while home with the baby. Many community colleges have online classes even! That way you would still be with the baby but have a plan for making your life better :) Good luck Mom! Don't let this guy bully you, keep doing whats best for you and the baby.

    Answer by Serafyna at 5:13 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • If he takes you to court then anything is possible. It is true about putting the birthfather on a birth cirtificate. But that is a temporary stall tactic. He can still take you to court so that you would have to have a DNA test done. It would be granted. Also some states require the biological father to pay child support, especially if you already told your case worker you know who the father is. Being on public assistance doesn't prove you are an unfit parent. But in court, espeacially these days, it is about equal treatment of both parents. A judge would hear both sides and make a decision. Many times it goes something like this: mom gets him during the week and dad gets him a few hours each weekend (since he is a baby and may be breastfeeding) or every other week. They don't like to take away custody from either parent unless proven one parent is unfit. I would say shared custody is the norm.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:37 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

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