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8 Bumps

Men Jokes

Lets make a list of men jokes. Feel free to add your own.

Why Yelling At a Man Doesn't Work

What a woman says: "This place is a mess! C'mon, You and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON Blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I Blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR Blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES!

Q. Why was marriage invented? A. Because men could only suck in their gut for so long.

A woman will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head, a beer belly sticking out and still think they're handsom

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies or being so rude for taring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, hat you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition. Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The woman conisidered his proposition for a moment then from her purse slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's and. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said,............ 'Clean my house.'

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.


Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 12:49 PM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?

    They already have boyfriends.

    If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

    What's the difference between government bonds and men?

    Bonds mature.

    Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

    The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

    The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

    The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow."

    So what's your problem?" ask the others.

    "I don't wake up until nine!"

    Answer by bellsandheels at 1:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • 1) I vote this question, with your elaboration "Question of the Month" and 2) So, two men walk into a building. You'd have thought ONE of them would have seen it. (This was originally a "blonde" joke, but it's amazing how easily the two terms can be interchanged in any joke).

    Answer by DMac08 at 12:55 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I love that last one!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:53 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his
    hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you
    ever made love to?"

    She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be,"
    she says. "Your face looks familiar."

    Answer by vicesix at 1:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • hahahaha!

    Answer by munchkinaplenty at 1:00 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every
    evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with
    anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

    "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
    exactly where is Larry's bar?"

    Answer by vicesix at 1:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Why are men like sidewalks?

    Lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for decades.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:11 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.

    She picked a little boy to do the first test.

    She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked,

    "Do you know what it is?"

    "No, I don't," said the little boy.

    "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
    when he gets home from work.

    That's when a little girl at the back of the room jumped up and yelled,

    "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!!"

    Answer by vicesix at 1:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Why It's GREAT To Be A Guy...
    - Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
    - Your orgasms are real. Always.
    - Your last name stays put.
    - The garage is all yours.
    - Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
    - Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    - You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
    - Chocolate is just another snack.
    - You can be president.
    - You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
    - Foreplay is optional.
    - You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
    - Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    - You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
    - The world is your urinal.
    - Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
    - You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
    - Same work... more pay.
    - Wrinkles add character.
    - You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustmen

    Answer by bellsandheels at 1:18 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Behind every sucessful man is a suprised woman!

    Answer by salexander at 1:44 PM on Dec. 17, 2010