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He's stressed, equals less affection

My boyfriend got a supervisor position roughly 7 months ago. Since then, he has been stressed, withdrawn, and doesn't show as much affection towards me. He hates his job and bad things keep happening to him at work. He keeps getting in trouble by the store manager who dislikes him even though it's not his fault. He got the promotion shortly after he found out from the military, his ideal job, that he could not re-enlist because they found him not fit for duty due to prior medical conditions, and since then, he has been down and questioning the purpose of his life. I understand why he is not being affectionate, and don't blame him. Sometimes it would be nice though if he would hold my hand a little more or kiss a little more often so I didn't feel like he was no longer attracted to me, even though I know I'm not the reason for his behavior. Am I dumb for feeling this way?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Maybe he doesn't realize that he is being distant from you.

    Answer by Misteh at 12:55 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Oh, he does, and apologizes for acting the way he does, though I tell him he doesn't have too.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • He probably doesn't know how it makes you feel. Talk to him, hold him and let him know you are always available if he needs to talk and just simply be there. He may come out of it, or not. I'm sure he feels depressed and less manly right now and needs reassurance.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 12:58 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Nope, I think your pretty normal! Hubby was working a 12 hour swing shift for the last 3 years before he got fired in August. He was so stressed out as was I, with two kids at home, he never got to see the kids, and it was like he only came home to eat and sleep. Anyway, he got fired and decided to go back to school, which he had been wanting to do for a while, and now he's home every night with me and the kids and he doesn't miss a thing! He hated the job because they kept trying to find a way to fire him, which they finally succeeded in doing, but the jokes on them, because he'll be better off now because of it and there's WAY less stress in our lives.

    Anyway, the best that I can say to do, would be to maybe pamper him some and try to take the stress off him, let him know that you love him and that you appreciate him, reach out to him, don't wait for him to reach out to you.

    Answer by gumby11883 at 1:00 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I've been doing all of the above:). I've realized I have to be the stronger of the both of us right now. I just felt like kind of a jerk afterward for getting a little upset that he didn't even try to be affectionate.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:01 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Attack him from behind.

    Touch him frequently in non-sexual ways --yes, men actually resist sex sometimes, he doesn't need any additional performance pressure-- like on his shoulders, or forearms... pat his feet when they're on the coffee table and you walk by, sit next to him close enough to touch just a little on your thighs, or one shoulder. Don't crowd him at all, but keep letting him know that your affection doesn't come with strings attached.

    Talk about him when he's within earshot, but while on the phone to others. Talk about what you see as his strengths (bragging about him to others is one very effective way of indirectly boosting his self-image, which is taking a beating these days), what you appreciate that he just does all the time (hanging his towels or thanking you for dinner --the stuff you take for granted, really). Talk about how you understand how difficult it is for people to be stressed at work.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:06 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Do not blame yourself, You do have every right to feel
    the way you do, if he is so unhappy with his job he should
    find another one, that way you guys can get your love
    life back on track. Having a good job is important, but
    Your marriage should come first. I hope you guys work
    things out.

    Answer by Hondachick44007 at 1:27 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • No your not dumb, its not your fault. Just do the best you can to be understanding and supportive, it will turn around. Hope things work out.

    Answer by bellsandheels at 1:57 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

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