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i have this friend.. who has really nothing, and has a child the same age as mine..

went to HS w/ her.. she has a 1 yr old.. i also have 3 other children.. and am married now. but i remember when i had a baby young, and was single.. it was rough.. even though i lived w/ my mother, it was hard..

this friend of mine however, has her own apartment, payed by the state.. also gets food stamps, so much that she cant use them all and she buys food for her parents, and they give her CASH, i know thats SO WRONG and i am shocked she told me. she gets the minimum amount of child support.. 50 dollars a week... doesnt work.. and i dont think plans to bc she gets all this stuff for free.

I still feel bad for her, only bc i remember how i struggled.. however, i worked and didnt get food stamps or anything free from the state, i worked for it all and so did my family.

i wanted to get her a little package for her and her daughter just something small for Christmas, but my husband got mad bc he thinks she gets too much as it is.

Should I just leave it and listen to my husband, or still get her something because i was once a young single mom?.. i know she isnt getting us anything for christmas, but that didnt matter to me.. i just thought i could put a smile on her face.. but my husband thinks i should give to someone more needy. we arent rich by any means, dont have a lot to give either, and are living off one income.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • If it were me I would rather give it to someone who is TRYING to better themselves. If she is receiveing all this help from the state with no intentions of ever getting on her own then she doesnt need your package.

    Answer by TiffanyPlew at 6:34 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Do what YOU feel is right. If you want to get a gift and you have the means then do so, if you can't or don't want to do it then don't.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 6:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Just because she gets housing and foodstamps doesn't mean she isn't struggling. I used to live in government housing and it isn't free by any means, you still pay utilities and I had to pay rent that I couldn't afford. I did get foodstamps, more than I used, since I know how to stretch a dollar, and helped my dad with groceries (he did watch my kids a lot) and he would help with my bills. Remember, appearances can be deceiving. She may not have it as easy as you think, and would probably be very touched that you thought of her and her child.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 6:24 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • hi..i really feel sorry for your friend and i'm glad that your helping her in your own little way...i think your a really good friend,i;m proud of you...

    Answer by neng999 at 6:10 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I would probably buy a small gift for the baby but I wouldnt buy anything for her.

    Answer by My_3_Babies at 6:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I think if you are doing it because you want to and not out of pity that would be in the spirit of true giving this holiday season. On the other hand, if there is going to be conflict within your home for doing so that could certainly be something to consider.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 6:10 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • yeah my husband isnt too happy w/ the thought.. but he also doesnt get the underline meaning of things like this like i do.. he has a job where he deals w/ "people like her" all the time he says.. (he works for the government) I pretty much have a heart and he doesnt! haha!..& its not out of pity.. its more like a "hey ive been there, keep up the good work parenting" kind of thing. she is a good mom.. and i think she is just taking all the free she can get because her family has nothing, and she is lost.. i dont think she purposely is trying to take take take..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I wouldn't give her diddly squat. She is using the system and has no plans of making it on her own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I had a friend like this. I always got her kids stuff for Christmas - toys and some "kid" snacks (animal crackers, juice boxes, etc.) that I thought she was probably never able to buy for them. We lost touch over the years, but I still think about her and hope her kids are okay.

    Answer by missanc at 7:45 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I think since you and dh are sharing an income you have to take his wishes into consideration this time.

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:04 AM on Dec. 18, 2010