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2 Bumps

RePost - What would you think if this was happening to you.... The truth

(I've reposted this because I'd like to get some more feedback from the evening mom's)

(Hypothetical Situation)
If a guy never makes time for you and every time you call him, your conversation is interrupted over and over because he's putting you on hold to take another call,(from his cousin, his brother-in-law, etc) ...... and this happens EVERY time you talk with him on the phone.... aren't you really kidding yourself that he is REALLY interested in you AT ALL??

Is he taking you for granted? Stringing you along?

How would it make you feel if you discovered that EVERY time you call him, you never get to have a whole conversation because every few minutes he's saying "Hold on, so-and-so is calling, and you find yourself on hold for more time than you are involved in the conversation?

(Just wondering what you ladies would think of a relationship that was playing out like this) Would it be different if it was just a friend who did this to you all the time... or is it the same no matter what your relationship to the person is?


Ah ha! that's what I thought.... now let's get a little more personal with this.... it isn't a guy doing this to me.... it's my BFF doing it. Here's an example of how she is with me: If she calls me and I don't answer (and the only time I don't is when I'm on hold with a customer service or something - if I'm on with another person, I always click over to her and tell her who I'm talking to and that I'll call her back promptly - which I do) -- BUT let's say I'm on with Verizon Customer Service..... so I let her call go to voice mail.....

She'll leave me a HUGE long voice mail, then she'll get on FB and send me a message to tell me that she left me a message on my phone. (I know, kind of makes me feel like she's being VERY demanding of me giving her attention when she beckons for it)..... but when I call her back, immediately the "Hang ons" start, and I spend forever on hold waiting on her to finish phone calls.

I'm really beginning to feel unappreciated and like she only has time for me when it's convenient for her. Makes me feel yucky.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • sweet heart you are the only one in that relation

    Answer by WVgrandma at 7:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • THEY do not want to be your friend and are just to chicken to tell u how they feel, they ARE hoping you get the point by "putting you on hold" simple as that. i would back off if i were you. i think deep down you know the answer that is why you are asking.

    Answer by maya123 at 8:42 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I don't know, I kind of think she just might not have good phone etiquette. I mean, if she didn't want to talk to you why even bother answering your calls or calling you? It used to be that if someone was on the phone you got a busy signal and if they weren't home then there was no answer and you had to call back. Now people seem to feel obligated to be available every second to every one who calls them, instead of realizing that's what voice mail is for. If she leaves you on hold for more than a brief period or puts you on hold more than once in a phone call tell her to call you back when she has time to talk because you didn't call her to sit on hold. When I am on the phone with someone I try not to click over unless it is my DH or a call that I think might be urgent. Otherwise I can always call someone back when I am off the phone.

    Answer by MaryMW at 8:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Sounds like she is playing games. Being demanding and then being neglectful is her way of controlling you. It is a toxic relationship, and if I were you, I would gradually separate myself. If you like hanging out with her, maybe you could just do that... just be hang out buddies. But I don't think she's a good BFF.

    Answer by brandyj at 8:52 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • MaryMW has some good points... maybe it is just bad phone etiquette. Does she do stuff like that when you are together in person?

    Answer by brandyj at 8:54 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Possibly she is jealous and thinks that you have more friends or more social or more importance?

    Anyway you look at this, it is control. She clearly has a mental issue. Go read a little about borderline personality disorder and tell me what you think.

    My first impression is that this is a person who is proving a point to you that you are low on the list of importance in her life...she has bigger fish she needs to talk to on the phone, she is showing you that. But I think it is a twist because she clearly seeks your attention with really long drawn out voicemails, and facebook messages.

    To sum it all up...I think she does this because she is clearly is seeking your attention and she might also have borderline personality disorder...but I could be wrong.

    You need to tell her next phone call, that you don't have time to wait on hold, so could she please call back when she has 20 minutes to set aside to talk uninterrupted.

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:49 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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