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4 Bumps

Should I be scared?

I am joining the Military (ARMY) and I am afraid that my SO will cheat or leave me when I join... Although he tells me that he isn't going anywhere, and that I am the only one for him, I am still scared... we have been together for a year now, and I love him more than anything (other than my daughter) in this world.... Got any advice ladies???

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Ashtin04242007

Asked by Ashtin04242007 at 8:05 PM on Dec. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (95 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm sure alot of military personnel have the same worries. You should talk to them to see how they deal with it. I personally dont know how you can bear to be apart from your child for so long. You are very brave to do so, so I'm sure you'll find a way to get thru these feelings you are having. Be safe & come home in one piece!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:08 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • You can't let your fear about something you have no control over, control what you do have control over. Let me explain...you have no control about whether your SO cheats or not so you should not let it control whether you do something that is good for you, hence something you do have control over. If he cheats, then he would have done it eventually anyway and he isn't worth your time. Also, if he does or doesn't cheat while your gone, is there really any way that you can or can't be sure...NO...so don't sweat it, you'll drive yourself crazy.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:09 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • i joined before i met my husband and i was freaking out about the same thing.. he ended up proposing to me to prove he wasnt going anywhere. While i was in boot camp i just wrote him all the time and was totally honest with him and just convinced myself he wouldnt. Once i got out we talked every day on the phone and i think a big part was that i didnt act like i was worried. If you do it might just make him mad and push him into doing it! if you trust him he'll love you more and have a hard time every doing that to you! (in my opinion!) Good luck with it and Thank you for serving our country!
    AKluth

    Answer by AKluth at 8:12 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Do you trust him? Is there reason to think he would? If not, maybe you are just having some anxiety. Your relationship can get very unhealthy if you don't take opportunities because of lack of trust and fear. This may make you trust him more! You never know. :)
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Yes I trust him, I do believe it is just anxiety, I am trying my hardest not to let it get the best of me, I am not backing down from joining, I just dont want to loose the best thing thats ever happened to me in the process...
    Ashtin04242007

    Comment by Ashtin04242007 (original poster) at 8:17 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • right now you need to focus on you. you are going to be seperated from your DD and your fam for a while duirng basic and AIt. and depending on your unit when you get your duty station you may possibly deploy as soon as you PCS. if its ment to be its ment to be and hell still be there if its not hooah up and keep marching on. this is a common fear...i thought for sure my husband was going to leave me or find someone else during our first deploy. and after he broke his back he was afraid id find someone else too. but its been 3 years. we have been seperated for all but 20 months of those 3 years...have a sit down and talk abot where you guys are in your relationship your fears and go from there....
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 8:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I am already separated from my DD, Her father got full custody of her and i just get to see her every other weekend if he says its okay...... He side tracked me and took me to court, right after I got layed off from work and lost everything... So I had no choice, because I didn't have any way to provide for her!
    Ashtin04242007

    Comment by Ashtin04242007 (original poster) at 8:32 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • i agree with should have left. what has to be must be u cant stop him if he wants to cheat. i see where your concerns are coming from though!
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 8:35 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • No, you should not be scared, shouldhaveleft has the right advice, it is out of your hands either way. But look at the positives, he gave you his word that he will wait for you, he isn't being wishy washy or giving you a maybe. If you feel good about the relationship you shouldn't have anything to worry about. And another positive is that distance often makes the heart grow fonder.. in many cases it is true. So you need to believe him and leave it at that. Try to leave on a positive note with him so he remembers that. If you are confident and strong, it will help too, insecurity is much less attractive (so don't show it!) Be positive with him. And stay in communication with him as much as possible, that will help.

    Good luck and thank you!!!!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:09 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Don't fear! Fear is fear in it's self as what my husband says. Don't worry u need to learn to trust him!
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 12:56 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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