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Should I find another Maid of Honer?

I appointed my best friend of 6 years as my MOH, but that was months ago and she is not helping me plan my wedding, or asking me if I want a shower or a bachlorete party, or asking about ANY details of my wedding. She has only left me one email in 3 months and it wasnt even about the wedding!
Should I find another MOH?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Jul. 6, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I say talk with her first. Maybe she doesn't understand that is what the MOH is for? Perhaps theres alot going on in her life right now. However, If she knows the "rules" but isn't interested in being involved, I would say find someone else.

    Answer by tagonoo at 2:37 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • Some ppl think being MOH just means showing up for the wedding! I agree with poster #1. Talk with her.Tell her what is expected of her and ask her if she is available to do that. If not, then she needs to let you know immediately so you can choose another MOH

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:47 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • Sounds like a miscommunication. How often do you communicate with her? Do you guys talk on the phone or send each other jokes via email? Don't you ever see her in person? Did you tell her what you expect of her? i am not sure that all of those things are the MOH's responsibility, so she may not know. Talk to her before you fire her:)

    Answer by niseylee at 2:50 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I agree with the above answers. You could even ask, "have you thought about my bachlorette party?" Keep the lines of communication open. She probably doesn't realize it. Also, is the wedding soon? You might need to talk to her today!!

    Answer by drowninginboys at 2:57 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • The wedding is 9 months from now. I have pretty much been on my own. No help from family either. I feel pretty depressed about it. No help from friends/family/my fiance either timewise or money-wise. I feel like I am all alone! I told her when I appointed her MOH that she would need to help me.

    What is the MOH duties either traditionally or contemporarly?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • You have a good grasp on what they are. aside from those you mentioned she needs to be sure the grooms ring is accounted for before the ceremony. If there is to be a reception it is she usually offers a toast to the couple immediately following the best man

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:36 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I think the MOH's role depends entirely on you. I didn't want help from anyone, with anything, for my wedding, except my husband. You may not have made your expectations clear enough to her, or maybe she was just a bad choice for MOH. Either way, if you have hardly talked to her in three months, it doesn't sound like you've tried that hard...

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 4:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I have tried pretty hard to get in contact with her. I call her at least 3 times a week, she never returns my calls, and if she does its 4 days later. I email her, no reponce. I would say I try very hard to keep in contact with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • Her duties are totally up to you. With my sister I went to the florist with her, cake tasting, invitation selection, reception location hunting, dress selection. My other sister did a bridal brunch and I did the bachelorette party that night. Both of those were surprises though. You may not know the details of them until they happen :) Just be upfront about what you would like her assistance with. If you have not had much communication, she may be totally in the dark regarding your feelings or what you need.

    Answer by handsomebabyj at 6:06 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I had a VERY similar situation when I got married last year. My MOH, my "best friend" barely seemed interested in the wedding planning, and rarely even asked me how things were going let alone if I needed any help. I didn't get a bachelorete party or a bridal shower...she didn't even bring a gift! When she arrived at the ceremony, moments before I did (nope..didn't help me dress either) I was annoyed but didn't let it ruin my evening. Since our wedding ceremony was on a thursday, we did the reception on saturday, and based on her "performance" my husband and I decided to uninvite her to the party. To this day she doesn't "know" why I was upset! My advice to you is find a better friend! I did and I really don't miss her and her selfishness.

    Answer by ptstepmom at 7:40 PM on Jul. 6, 2008