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2 Bumps

is it ok to ask this....

my daughters dad is a deadbeat..but his brother (my daughters uncle) is coming over a few days after christmas to drop off a present for my daughter..hes coming with his wife..and neither of them have seen alexis, since the last time they were over, in april, for her birthday, no phone call..nothing!! and as much as i DONT want them to come to see her, technically they are her aunt and uncle..so im TRYING to do the right thing..HOWEVER..is it ok to mention to them to NOT bring up the subject of her dad? she hasnt talked to him or heard from him in sooooo long..i just dont want his name being brought up..do you think that would be ok for me to tell them? and the thing is..is i dont even think they know the real reason why he doesnt come around anymore..i have heard thru mutual friends, that my ex told people that i told him to stay away..WHICH IS SOOOOO NOT TRUE!!.....HE decided he didnt want to come and see her anymore (we live an hr away), he didnt wanna waste his time or money anymore...so yaa, i just dont want anything about him being brought up...is that reasonable??

 
alexis_06

Asked by alexis_06 at 12:09 AM on Dec. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 42 (146,031 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Yes it is. I am going through something similar. YOU are the one raising her and being there for her. Do what YOU think is right for your daughter.
    gatorswife

    Answer by gatorswife at 2:22 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • yea that is very reasonable. I think you have every right to do that.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 12:11 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • your home, your terms. PERIOD.
    CABlonde

    Answer by CABlonde at 12:12 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Absolutely. You're protecting your child. Do what you have to. If they get upset or offended, then they may not come, but it's better than upsetting your child needlessly. Good Luck . I know how hard it can be to have the courage to say what needs said...
    KariLyn84

    Answer by KariLyn84 at 12:11 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • i guess it is, but i don't think you will be able to shield her from the dirty truth forever and if they ask just politely say i'm not sure where he is, if he would call we could set something up for him to see her. you will sound like a bigger person for not making a big deal out of it
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 12:13 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • you should tell them that mentioning his name in front of the child is very upsetting to the child and explain to them it was his choise not yours for him to stop all contact with his child my daughter was in the same situation a few years back with her little girls family and that was how she handled it and it worked out well my granddaughter has a great relation with her dads family and it is her birth right to know her family if you deny her that and later she finds out she will resent u for it
    WVgrandma

    Answer by WVgrandma at 2:43 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I think that is perfectly fine!!!! Its Christmas its not the time or place to bring it up I think cause its a special and fun day. Not unreasonable at all. I think they should respect you. If they get mad than oh well. I would call them if you can and just be kind and friendly and tell them you don't want them to bring it up. If they get mad than say I am sorry than if this is a big issue than its probably best that you don't come. I doubt they will get angry they will prob be very understanding. Let them know you just don't want to talk about it.
    staciepi

    Answer by staciepi at 12:13 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • absdolutely. that is your daugfhter and you have a right to not want her to be exposed to unecessary hurt or pain because she has not seen them. they should respect your wishes and say NOTHING about her dad. Thats ur decision and urs only to tell her about him :) good luck mamma
    newmommyjazz

    Answer by newmommyjazz at 1:16 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I agree with everyone else. You are trying to protect your daughter's feelings and don't want her thinking about things that might upset her...and if that means her father, then you have every right to ask people to not mention him.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:25 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • very reasonable. I see nothing wrong with saying something to them, if they have a problem with that then I would rethink the whole having them come over thing.
    tricia1332

    Answer by tricia1332 at 2:06 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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