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Would a mother be able to get her son back?

Long story short, birth mother had a drug problem and was neglecting her kids. After a long custody battle, we have sole custody of DH's 10 year old son. He has been with us for almost 2 years and is happy and has adjusted well. We have just moved for the 2nd time since he's been with us (the 1st time to get away from a bad neighborhood when he first came to us, the 2nd time to be closer to my parents when I got pregnant).

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Nov. 8, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • We are staying at my mom's house while we find a house in our price range (to buy). It is cramped and messy, my SS's clothes are in a box and he sleeps on the couch. It is only temporary, but I am afraid that his BM (she is doing better now, finished rehab, got a job and is taking classes) will try to get him back and hold our current living conditions against us. I think she is close to having her own apartment and I don't want her to try anything. What can she do, if anything, and how difficult would it be for her to get custody of him back? We are about 20 hours away from her. She has no visitation now but probably would if we were closer, she sees her other 2 kids twice a week.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • to help with the messiness check out flylady.net
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 5:44 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • How did she lose custody? Cps?? Judgements?? What does the paperwork say?? My neice was taken for the same reason and there is NO WAY she can get custody back... She has to pay cps for the safe program and hasnt done it once.. since BM is doing so well, I'd check out an attorney site... like expertlaw.com or something along those lines... westlaw??
    dlwsbjmknox

    Answer by dlwsbjmknox at 6:24 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Thank you for the flylady advice...my mom used to do the whole flylady thing but my sister has OCD and collects everything...three rooms have pretty much been turned into storage for her things, and my brother hasn't really cleaned his room for the last 3 years. They are teenagers and my mom...well it's a long story and a different topic.

    My hubby called into CPS (called DHS where they were) about the conditions they were living in and DHS pulled my ss out immediately. He spent that night in a foster home and they had an emergency hearing the next day where my DH was awarded temporary custody. They did a home visit with us and cleared us and over the next 8 months they set goals for the mother and she did not attempt to meet them. Eventually, after he was with us for almost a year, they decided to give us sole custody since he was adjusting to life with us and the mother wasn't even trying to get him back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • She can always try. She would have to hire a lawyer and then everyone goes back to family court. And yes, a judge could give her custody. It could always go either way. What a relief to know that she is doing better and is clean. It would be awful to worry about a parent who is substance user.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:29 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I am glad she's doing better, but he's part of our family now. We would gladly come to some kind of joint custody arrangement, but I'm afraid that she's going to try something sneaky and take him away from us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • It would be difficult for her to get full custody, I think. How long until you move out? The living conditions are the ONLY thing that might be considered negative, so the sooner you move, the better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I'm going to look at it from a different angle...

    People sometimes get caught up in bad habits. It's hard once you've started doing drugs to get back off. If you had a son and went through the same thing...getting better with rehab, meeting all the requirements and goals and such, wouldn't you think you did a good job and think you should be able to get some custody back? Maybe not full (most likely not full). I just think she deserves the benefit of the doubt right now.

    I only know about the situation by what you've said so it's a tough call ya know?
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:19 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Your step son is part of your family. That will never change. Not matter where he lives. But his mother is also his family too. She has the right at anytime to petition the court for the opportunity to have custody or visitation. It doesn't mean she should be awarded custody. But when moms get sober, clean, a job, a place to live (when she does) then most mothers would most likely try to reunite with their children. Especially when trying to reconnect and knowing they weren't the best mom they could have been/should have been. And what would your stepson say about his mother years from now if she at least try to be a large part of his life after she became more healthy? Imagine that kind of rejection and hurt.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:47 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

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