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He has taken on so much he is getting sick...what can I do?

I work, we have a daughter, his mom (ugggghhh)is staying with us, he started a new job, he also just went back to school pursuing a law degree. MIL has said all her problems are his to fix and she will be with us until they are! She needs a new place to live and can not pay for anything. We have our own bills. Going to school, working full time, fitting in family time all this is ridiculously stressful. Add MIL and her health and financial problems and her just plain hatefulness into the mix and it is making my DH physically sick. I try to talk to him about all of it and the only response I get is he knows what he is doing. I get that she is his mom but I feel the roles are reversed, I do not know how to handle a parent being so dependant on a child. Especially one who refuses to help themselves and just expects things to be done for her.

 
Noosa

Asked by Noosa at 1:44 AM on Dec. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,483 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You are a girl needing all the support from all of us!!!!! This is a big'in. It sounds to me it is maybe the way he has been raised????? I am bumping you to the top. I hope all us moms can do a reach out!


    group hugMichelle

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 8:07 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Well you can suggest him to put on hold the law degree if he wants to help mom something has to give because you can put that much pressure on yourself since I believe you are the one doing the full time job now. I think if you try to tell him that his mom its at fault and she should do something you are going to appear like the bad and selfish one and it could ruin your relationship with him.
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 2:14 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Wow, this is bad. I'm so sorry. Your poor husband doesn't deserve this. Clearly, he cannot be financially responsible for her forever. SHE needs a job of some kind. I'm not sure what services are available to her, perhaps she should share an apartment with someone and not you guys. How long has she been there? I'm going to bump this and hope someone else has something helpful to say! Ugh. Good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:18 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Thanks for the bump...I really do not know what to do.
    Noosa

    Comment by Noosa (original poster) at 2:50 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I agree with the first post, if he wants to help his mom then he should either drop school for now or go part time so that its not as much stain on him or he needs to tell her to get out and find her own place. So sorry you are going trough this, good luck !!!
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 3:15 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • So both you and your husband are working FT and your husband is going to school FT, and your MIL takes care of your child? Do you live in a house, where a room or the basement or garage can be professionally converted into a MIL suite--so she has her OWN space? Then, you need to either file or figure out how much money she is bringing in from social security, a pension, or what other government subsidies she would be entitled to--Medicare, food stamps, etc.? It may take making some phone calls, but it'll be worth it!

    THEN, determine what she is saving the two of you in child care, and give her a percentage of that amount, so she has her own place and a little spending money--even if you have to help her manage her finances! I think her being miserable is because she's not too thrilled with her predicament, so she is going to drag everyone else down with her. Teach her to be an enabler not a dependent! ;o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:25 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • NO she does not watch our daughter! Her bills exceed her income by $100 every month.
    Noosa

    Comment by Noosa (original poster) at 12:06 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I had my MIL living with us for years and he wouldn't do anything about it too. But sounds like she needs less bills. i say to take the bull by the horn so to speak and do through all her bills and cancel what she doesn't need and tell her if she doesn't start doing for herself and helping out at home then your calling a nursing home since its obvious she is sooo helpless (sarcasm dripping) If she lives will you what bills does she really need anyway!? It worked for us

    mybabiesmom1

    Answer by mybabiesmom1 at 3:05 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Wow that terrible , my husband mother also belives that he children are the one to look after her . Give her spending money and so forth. Is he the only child or can you unload her off on anyone else. I'm so glad that we no longer have contact with my husband side of the family .
    Your in such a bad perdicament . you two should really spend sometime trying to find a solution. I know he's busy but he need's to take sometime to talk. Other wise your marriage will be strained as well.. good luck to yo u
    pinkdot

    Answer by pinkdot at 3:07 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

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