My son has autism and has been having a hard time recently. We have been working with him and trying to figure out what is going on,but he has been having a lot of meltdowns. In truth, he could need a med adjustment, as it's been over a year since he has had an increase, but his father refused to allow an adjustment--but that's a whole different thread.
My stepfather has just recently been diagnosed with cardiac artery disease and will be having a stent put in place on Wednesday to open the blockage in his one artery. My mother called last night to say that she still wanted us to come up for Christmas dinner, but if my autistic son starts to misbehave, we would have to leave as not to cause stress for her husband. I told her that in that case, we would make other plans for Christmas day.
My mom flipped out. She yelled and screamed that it was not about my son or me, that it was about her husband. I stated that I understood, but both my sons, my husband and I deserved to have a nice holiday and we shouldn't have to be on guard to leave and have nowhere to go. She said that we should go to her house as plan A, but have a plan B. When I asked her to explain, she stated that if he started acting out, we could go to someone else's house. I said I didn't think that was fair, that people should know who to expect on Christmas Day.
She is still mad that we are not coming to her house Christmas day and she thinks I am being unreasonable. I think that if we have the opportunity to go somewhere where we can all enjoy our day, and be with people who will accept my son, meltdown or not, we should do so. My sister thinks Mom is nuts wanting people at her house three day's after her husband's surgery anyway.
Am I wrong in wanting to be able to enjoy my day and just make alternate plans where i wouldn't have to worry about packing up and leaving? Am I being selfish?Answer Question
Answer by older at 8:23 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by dullscissors at 8:27 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
I would do what is best for your son. Your mom is going through a lot now, but not only is she the adult here, she is also not the one dealing with autism. It seems very rude of her to say that you can come, but be prepared to be kicked out of my home. If it were my son, I would plan Christmas at home, so that he had less transitioning. Maybe you could suggest your mom invite your sister over (not being mean, just offering to have family with her on Christmas that better fits into her needs right now) and you and your family could visit a different time. Good luck.
Answer by scout_mom at 8:42 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by armywife43 at 8:56 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by MommyH2 at 9:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by mamacita69930 at 9:15 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by LoriKeet at 9:25 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
And if mom doesn't understand, or is unwilling to make reasonable accommodations, for HER GRANDSON then I'm afraid you need to do what is BEST for your son--which may mean having a quiet Christmas at home! As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is FOR the children, it's not about parental controls or wants. Maybe you should offer to host Christmas Day or Christmas Eve dinner at your home with the opening of presents and what not! It's what we did until our boys were about 5 and 3.
Answer by LoriKeet at 9:28 AM on Dec. 18, 2010
Answer by JawgaMom1 at 10:03 AM on Dec. 18, 2010