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3 Bumps

What should I expect my new partner to do with my children compared to his own>

I remarried and he has 2 children of his own. He will take his son hunting who happens to be the same age as my youngest son, 6, but he has yet to take either one of my boys. this hurts their feelings. What should I do? I have said that it hurt all of our feelings and even got into a argument about this with him. However it didn't seems to change anything. I don't think that it is right at all. His son comes home bragging about this to my children and they shouldn't have to deal with that. Told him I needed to get me one of those he said what, I said a dad to do things like this with my kids.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • You should expect him to treat all of them the same, what he is doing is creating resentment!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:06 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • He should be treating his step children as well as his own. Otherwise, your kids will always resent him.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 9:07 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • My husband didn't have kids when I married him, but we now have 2 together, and I had 3 from my previous marriage. I would say that this is something that should have been addressed before you were married, but that wouldn't help you now. Did he do things with your kids before the marriage? What he is doing is incredibly insensitive to your kids. I wouldn't stand for it.
    Why don't you take your boys and do something special with them on the days he's taking his son somewhere? (I'm thinking like to an amusement park while they're hunting?) It wouldn't be a "dad" thing, but at least they would be getting some compensation.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:07 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • It is really not nice. When you married with you he accepted you with your children. I would be furious if someone won't treat my kids equal. Especially if his sons are bragging. It means he and his sons are abusing your children and you. Speak to him again and tell him how much you don't like this. And if he doesn't change his behaviour than you and your children are better off alone. No-one can treat his wife and children like second line of the family. Better to sort this out now because it will get worse sooner or later. And your children's feelings are on the table. They can be damaged for life if you don't make it right.

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 9:12 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Well you need to talk to him some more about his reasons for not taking your boys. How was he interacting with her boys before you married him? His actions to my kids pre-marriage would have been deal breaker for me.

    This for me would be a HUGE issue. I can not be truly happy with a man when my kids are unhappy. Sorry I dont have better advice or information. All I can say is communication! and ask him why he will not include your children. He may feel that he wants time for just him and his own kids. I dont know..
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 9:13 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • op, let hubby read these responses, he might just learn that what he is doing is wrong.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:13 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Six years old is too young to go hunting...here is why. My dear friend had two boys. He is a great dad and a very experienced hunter. His family were all experienced hunters.About 10 years ago when his children were 12 and 10 they were out hunting and the 10 year old got up and ran in front of my friend's gun just as he shot. Yes, 10 years old and they still can't control their impulses.
    THE CHILD WAS FATALLY WOUNDED AND DIED BEFORE THE FATHER COULD GET HIS CHILD OUT OF THE WOODS to the road and to a telephone. Don't send your young boy hunting yet, if ever.
    To answer what you thought was the important part of your question. ..Think of something creative to do with grandfather if he lives near enough,perhaps something safer like fishing but do not leave out the stepson.
    notjustmom213

    Answer by notjustmom213 at 9:21 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Ask him why he doesn't want to take your sons hunting he may have some valid reasons. How does the boys bio dad feel about it? He may just not want to over step his role. Then I would see if he would be willing to take the boys scouting with him before a season so that he can judge their behavior and decide if they are ready for it. If they are ready I would still have only one go at a time because this can be dangerous and he doesn't need the pressure of having to worry about were everyone is when he goes to shoot. Try starting off slowly, it maybe a while before he is ready to take them out when he is going to shoot but there are a lot of things he can do with all of them to help get the boys ready for that.
    jen699

    Answer by jen699 at 11:45 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I have recently married as well but I am afraid my situation is drastically different from yours. He has 2 of his own as well but they are both girls and grown. He treats them both like they are still 10 but mine are all boys and he loves that. He calls my kids "his" boys.
    gatorswife

    Answer by gatorswife at 2:09 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

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