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11 Bumps

*please no bashing*my husband made something for a girl he's in graduate school with

it's kind of silly but i find that i'm a little jealous. he made a pie chart for her (on the computer at mypaint.com) about his experience with his last internship clinical because she is thinking about interning with the same company after him. but it wasn't a serious pie chart. it was a pie chart shaped like pac man. it made me laugh when i saw it and then i got a little jealous because he actually took the time to make it for her. i can't remember the last time he made something for me. it seemed like he wanted to make her laugh and that's the kind of stuff he use to do for me and post it on my fb wall just to make me smile. but that doesn't happen anymore. he doesn't tell me when i dress up nice that he thinks i look nice or anything.

how do i stop being jealous over this silly crap? i think i'm just feeling like that attention that could have been directed towards his wife not this girl who he's probably never gonna see again after school's out.

we've been arguing a lot lately (not about stuff like this, just in general) and i'm not feeling real secure in our marriage right now.

please help. i had no idea something as simple as a pie chart could set me off

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Dec. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Jealousy is a green eyed monster, beat the monster to death!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:34 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • that would bother me too....
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 9:36 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Take a deep breath. I think your unhappiness is stemming more from your insecurity than from any thoughts of infidelity on his part. What will help is to address the reasons you are feeling insecure - you said that you have been arguing a lot lately. I think if you work through whatever issue it is you are having and get back to peace in your marriage, things will turn around. Do something nice for him today and see if he doesn't just turn around and do something nice in return.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:37 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Find some time to plan a date where you can go out and laugh together. Maybe you just need an afternoon or night of spending some quality time together to reconnect and to lighten the mood a little bit.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:43 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I completely agree with Dr.Donna, this isn't about a pie chart, it's about your relationship. Besides, if he was trying to be unfaithful, he wouldn't have shown you the pie chart. I also think he should keep all possible contacts in his chosen field...you never know when a job or something big will come through one of them. Whatever you do, DO NOT make a big deal out of the chart. That will just make you look small and petty. YOU are the woman he picked to marry, so make him happy that he picked you by being loving and his hot -for-him woman! Enjoy!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:47 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I would feel a little jealous too. My husband does that a lot. Goes out of his way to be their for other people some times takes me for granted. Maybe just tell him that was a nice thing he did and it reminded u of when he would do it for you and you miss it. Maybe he will start doing it for you again. On the other side, I hope you guys have good boundaries in your marriage and he doesn't start caring more about what makes her happy then what makes you happy!
    NaiveDream

    Answer by NaiveDream at 9:49 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I have to agree with the others I think it has more to do with what he is not doing for you, and the insecurities in your relationship then what he is doing for her. Dont let him know that it bothers you that will just cause all sorts of unnecessary problems. When I am feeling insecure like this I find it helps to do something proactive. LIke start working on being an amaizing wife, and just making him want me that much more, or doing something sweet and special for my husband, something he will like. It always makes me feel better about my relationship, then the other things stop bothering me because I feel more secure.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 10:21 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I don't think it's the ex that's bothering you. I think it's the fact that he no longer does those little extra things to show you he cares. Now, when is the last time you did something small and extra to show him. A lot of us get caught up in household chores and taking care of the kids. When's the last time you called him just to say ILY, put a note in his wallet, or anything like that? If you do it it will probably spark smtg in him.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:26 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Tell him that it makes you jealouse because he rarely does those things for you anymore. Let him know how it makes you feel. You can even be silly about it & word it as if it's not a huge deal like "You know, this may sound weird & it's kind of embarrassing, but that lil thing you made for her made me a little jealous. Maybe it's because it's been a while since you made me something"

    Let him know how it made you feel & see hwo he reacts.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:56 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Maybe he stopped doing those things for you because you didn't show him how much you really appreciated them at the time? Men thrive on appreciation and affirmation. They will seek it out from anywhere they can get it. We wives sometimes forget how important our feedback is to them, so they go looking for it somewhere else. We need to remember to make our husbands priorities and let them know every day how much we love and appreciate them. There's always someone who is willing to step in and fill that void, so we need to be very careful about doing it ourselves.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:08 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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