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6 Bumps

Is there any way to get out of this without causing a fuss?

I'll try to keep this short! I live in PA, my parents and the rest of my family live in SC, which is where I grew up. We usually go there for Christmas because that's when my husband has a week off work. This year, due to family drama, caused by my idiot selfish brother, I have no desire to go there. However, since my kids want to see their grandparents, and my parents want to see their grandchildren, we are going down day after Christmas and staying for a few days. I'm dreading it already for a few reasons. Number 1, packing up on Christmas Day. Number 2, my husband has been working 6-7 days a week literally for months now, and he's finally got some time off and we just want to stay home and do nothing for a week. Number 3, I'm afraid I'll run into my brother while we're there and get into a brawl. I've had migraines since I was 11, but since June, when the big mess started with my brother ( the latest mess anyway) I've had 3-4 migraines a week, sometimes more. I just know this trip is just going to be one big migraine. I find myself praying for a big snowstorm so we can't travel and I know that's the wrong attitude to have. I don't want to hurt my parents' feelings or my kids' feelings but I am dreading this trip so much. I don't know what to do!!

Answer Question
 
Bethsunshine

Asked by Bethsunshine at 9:46 AM on Dec. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 24 (20,230 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Tell them your physical health is suffering and you just really need to stay home and be stress free this holiday season. Don't stir the pot and say it's because of your brother. That won't help the situation at all.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:59 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I find myself praying for a big snowstorm so we can't travel and I know that's the wrong attitude to have. I don't want to hurt my parents' feelings or my kids' feelings but I am dreading this trip so much. I don't know what to do!!

    ***

    Keep praying!! I'm in eastern PA, and looking at our local forecast...it looks like we'll be having a white Christmas!!! :o)

    Seriously though, as hard as it is, IMO, Christmas is for and about the children--adults need to learn to put their issues on hold for a few days, for their children's best interest--especially when said children have established and close relationships with their extended family. If your children didn't have such relationships, I would say stay home.

    You can only control your little corner of the world. You cannot control your brother, but you can avoid perpetuating the drama! Just try to ignore him, and don't let him ruin your happiness.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:00 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Jawgamom,thanks, but my mom already knows that my health is suffering because of my brother! We've had this discussion before. It's just a big mess all the way around. There is nothing she can do because my brother refuses to acknowledge that he is being a donkey's behind. It's a LOOOOOONG story!
    Bethsunshine

    Comment by Bethsunshine (original poster) at 10:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I agree, just tell them you aren't up for the trip this year and you want to spend a quiet week at home with the family.
    CaLizzyMom

    Answer by CaLizzyMom at 10:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Is there a way to invite your parents up to your place for a few days instead?
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 10:02 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Is there a way to invite your parents up to your place for a few days instead?

    My parents won't drive all the way up here. Physically, they can't and they refuse to fly. I can't say I blame them. It's a source of contention because I think they should try to make an effort to find someone to bring them up here or find someway to get here. It's not exactly easy for us to make the 550 mile/10 hour trip twice a year. I always get a headache from sitting in the van for so long.
    Bethsunshine

    Comment by Bethsunshine (original poster) at 10:05 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Make this the year that you put what is best for your immediate family first. The fact that your husband works so much is reason enought o stay home. Tell your family that you have decided to have a much needed stay at home for the holidyas and you will make plans to visit in the future. If you make a few waves, so be it. Think of what you and your husband need first. I hope it works out for you. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:12 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I'd make the trip. God forbid if something were to happen to your parents in the next year, you'd feel really guilty for not making the trip. Also, your kids will be truly disappointed if they don't see their grandparents. If your brother shows up and starts then leave or hopefully your parents will tell him to act his age not his shoe size.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:22 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • You can't do anything for other people's happiness. If this causes stress for you it could be you are binging on bad snacks and sugar> (due to this stress?) But I wouldn't ask here to gain confidence in such a thing, it's something personal and anything this time of year, usually ends up adding heaps of things that don't mean anything later on.

    Now if you do end up going for whatever choice (s) bonding with your mom is good, in person. Make a time with her separately though for your own inner self value. (that's what I would do anyway)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I'd tell them I'm not up for the trip this year, but schedule a time to visit for a couple days in a couple months, or invite them to come visit you this spring or summer.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 10:54 AM on Dec. 18, 2010

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