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4 Bumps

10 worst gifts to give a woman LOL

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle.


2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names. (Or better yet skip the sprays all together in favor of longer lasting hypoallergenic perfume oil)

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law!!

 
405mom

Asked by 405mom at 4:33 PM on Dec. 18, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 23 (15,461 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Absolutely loved reading your "question". Hilarious!
    ChezBelle

    Answer by ChezBelle at 4:47 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I have to disagree with number 1. Each year I ask for something like that. This year I am so wanting a Shark steam mop.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 4:36 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I've asked for kitchen stuff before. I like to cook so those things are fun gifts for me.
    booksandhooks

    Answer by booksandhooks at 5:00 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • My husband gave a a gym membership for Valentines day..... I wasnt even over weight...
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:34 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • So true lol
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:35 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Thanks for sharing I agree with all of this Happy Holiday's!!

    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 4:35 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • OMG...to funny
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:59 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I always ask for kitchen gadgets and knife sets, and would absolutely love a new cordless drill. btw, jeremysmom, I have a shark steam mop and it doesn't quite work as well as advertised. I like this list lol.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 5:08 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • LOL don't shoot the messenger I actually got this one in a text. Sweet I agree that some of the things we see on TV are not all they're cracked up to be when you buy it.
    405mom

    Comment by 405mom (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

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