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Can I get out of this?

So today we had to go see my MIL who was supposed to be coming to our house for Christmas (she invited herself and we made the arrangements around this). Now, she has messed up her back and won't be coming to our house. She didn't tell us until today and now expects us to come to her house for the holiday. I was completely caught off guard and while I didn't say "yes" I also didn't say "no". Then she tells hubby (after I was already out to the car) "see you on Christmas". I had invited my grandma and let my older daughter invite a friend and her mom (since they don't have a lot of family around). We haven't gotten an answer from my grandma, I think she is going to my aunts, but I don't know for sure, and my daughter's friend had a fire at home recently and is staying with her older brother, but we don't know how to get in touch with them to see if they are coming. I don't want to go to my MIL's house - no one does - and if we dont' go she will still have plenty of family there - my SIL lives next door and will be cooking dinner for her. Would it be terrible of me to call Monday and say I was taken off guard and didn't realize that hubby had not already agreed to come for the holiday and that we won't be there? I don't want to have him do it, I think he would go out of guilt if he called her. I am thinking of calling and then telling him I did and we can stay home.


Asked by scout_mom at 9:53 PM on Dec. 18, 2010 in Holidays

Level 41 (125,190 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I don't see a graceful way out of going. You have other invited guests, so tell her that you have other people invited and see what she says. You can always tell her later on that they couldn't come after all if this is the case. You may need to go anyway. I'm surprised she wants company there if she is injured.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:59 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • My favourite answer I've ever heard, in declining and unwanted invitation (actually, it was an order for attendance, but some people's mothers are a lot more 'out there' than others') is:

    "I prefer not to."

    There is also:

    "I just don't want to."

    And a Miss Manners' answer:

    "Thank you so much for extending such a generous invitation. We will not be attending. We have other plans." (which can include nothing more than 'not going to your house')

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:57 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • You already made plans for Christmas and I would not change them, that wouldn't be fair to the people that you invited. You could always visit MIL after your company leaves. Talk to your husband before you call MIL so he knows what is going on and there are no issues.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:59 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • The reason I want to avoid talking with him before hand is the fact that I had no clue 1) she was coming here or 2) that I was in charge of the meal until she mentioned that she would be here a few days in advance to make the bread. I was never asked, I was told - so was he, but he was told sevearl days before I was and forgot to mention it. Now, I'm afraid that if I talk with him before we will be stuck going, but if I just call and get us out of it we will all be happier. He was not thrilled with the idea of going either, so it's not like he is looking forward to it.

    Comment by scout_mom (original poster) at 10:03 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • i would send him over with the kids for an hour, then tell him to come home bc you have guests

    Answer by angevil53 at 10:05 PM on Dec. 18, 2010