Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Is she old enough for me to tell her about her bio father?

Okay, so my daughter is three years old. Her father was extremely abusive towards me... I left him when she was four months old, and I've been with another man ever since. So he has been like a father to her...she calls him Daddy. However... her bio father took me to court, and he gets visitation rights. He gets her every Sunday for 8 hours. Now...he is in jail right now for one year... he gets out in about 9 months... he's in there for beating up his recent girlfriend...real bad. Anyway... I still let her go over his house to visit with his parents.. but they tell her "Dadda's at work" (she calls her bio father Dadda and my fiance Daddy, she knows she has 'two daddies') anyway, so yeah they tell her that he is at work... I know she wont fully understand, but do you think I should tell her the truth? She's going to find out sooner or later...and this is about the third time since she has been born that he's been in jail and I don't forsee him changing, so he is going to continueously be a disappointment to her. Do you think I should be honest with her even though she doesn't fully understand? I don't want to put all these ideas in her head, and teach her to hate her father....but I do want her to know the truth about him and know what he did to me...and she can make her own judgement, so what would you do?

Answer Question
 
michellelee3708

Asked by michellelee3708 at 10:24 PM on Dec. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (107 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think she is kind of young, Also if it were me I would be taking him back to court because if he is in jail for beating up his girlfriend I would not want my DD around him or at least I would not leave her a lone with him. For now I think it is okay that she knows she has 2 dads. I didn't tell my oldest son about his bio father until he was 10. Although his bio father never took him for visits or anything he knew who he was.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:27 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Just tell her she won't see Dadda for a long time. But she will still get tosee Grandma and Grandpa. She's 3, she won't understand jail or how long a year is or anything yet.
    badgirl44654

    Answer by badgirl44654 at 10:28 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • She is too young and it would serve no purpose. I would worry about visitation with an abusive father. Perhaps this can be discontinued or supervised at least.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:29 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I have a three yr old that does'nt knw her father either and probably neva will,i've thought the same thing and if i should or should'nt tell her but i think right now she's to young as your daughter to,at this age they really wnt understand ya knw wat i mean?Wait a lil bit until she gets older.Good luck grl,And remember to be honest with her.
    carisa368

    Answer by carisa368 at 10:30 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • I'm trying... it's difficult. Money is tight so it's hard to pay for a decent lawyer... I've been trying to get his rights terminated completely... I don't want him anywhere near her either... I wish she never knew him... But the judge just keeps giving him chance after chance... and it never matters what I say... it's really hard.. but I'm trying my best... I've even got his ex girlfriend willing to testify about how he was abusive to her in front of her two little girls, and how he was as a person... that should help hopefully. Thanks for the advice :)
    michellelee3708

    Comment by michellelee3708 (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • She is entirely too young in my opinion.
    xxlilmomma09

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 10:32 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • Since he is in jail you could contact the court and request supervised visitations for after he is released.
    badgirl44654

    Answer by badgirl44654 at 10:35 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • No, don't tell her unless she asks
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • A friend of mine always told her daughter that God loved her so much that he gave her two daddys, one who made her and one who helped her to grow up. She also said that both of her daddys loved her very much.
    I wouldn't tell her too much right now, she still a little young. Maybe you could tell her that Dadda didn't listen and so he has to go for a long time out. That way she gets that he did something wrong, but it keeps it on her level and not in the realm of adult problems. Good Luck!
    dmbutler

    Answer by dmbutler at 1:06 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • You can be honest with her without saying he is in jail. Say he is away. If she asks where say in time out, or just say he is too far away to come visit her. I would ask the court for supervised visitation.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 8:54 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.