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4 Bumps

I don't understand my friend.

I went to visit a friend today and she kind of told me she is going back with his ex. I don't understand, she has a great job, just bought a house and has a brand new car. He is at least 25 years older than she is, it seems that they are good for a while, go through stuffs and then split. They already split at least 2 times where they go to court for the custody of the kids, etc. I'm really trying to understand her, of course I don't say anything to her. But why is she doing that to the kids, is it worst for them to be like back and forth. One day daddy is home and the next he is not here anymore.
If you have done something like that, do you really do it because you love your partner or because you can't stay away from your kids when they are with daddy. what is your opinion about this?


Asked by bratgirln1 at 1:14 AM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,554 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • She's hooked on the #1 tool of the con artist: hope.

    She hopes it will be different. She hopes she will be different. She hopes he will be different.

    Hope is often used in the place of action. What is she going to do differently that will change how she is, what he has available to react to, and what the relationship looks like. Because if she doesn't have a completely different approach, she's going to do the same things and get the same results as last time.

    There is no magic involved: if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always had.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • To be honest, no one ever knows the right decision, some people have good luck, some get lucky, and others exhaust every possibility....My husband and I have 4 kids under 5 and we have had some serious fights that he has walked out on me for, broke some shit, I even called the cops on him once for smashing my damn computer....We have always worked through it though. We actually have a long standing joke that we can't get divorced no matter what until out 10 month old is 21 yr old! She's our youngest, lol. We have been some some really rough times together- I'm a stay at home mom, so I mean REALLY rough financial times.... the only reason I would ever consider divorce is if he got physical towards me or the kids. Cheating, gambling,- it's resolvable and forgiveable- your friend may not have anyone she can turn to and thinks he's her best option.... judge less and listen more. She may need a good friend more than you know. :) GL

    Answer by KariLyn84 at 1:29 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Maybe she is doing this for the kids. Maybe thinks it's best?

    Answer by harris4 at 1:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • She is probably hoping their relationship will work the next time they get back together

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:19 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I don't think she is doing it for the kids she loves him I had a friend that was like that he came even with the new girlfriend and tell her I dont want to be with you and then when she filed for child support all of the suden he will came back with flowers and asking her to be patient that he does not have money now but he was going to get and appartment a move in with her, weeks later she will call me telling me he was fooling around again and the cycle goes on and on Personally I have been getting away from her because as a friend there is really nothing you can do. Untill she finaly opens her eyes there is nothing you can do or say that will make any difference

    Answer by gou18 at 1:27 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Maybe one of them need to sleep in their kids room for a while, get in touch with their situation, before heading to the court room. To many couples stop the relationship before getting to the fun part, parenting. How do you think that conversation would go? "Daddy, why are sleeping on the floor?" "I need to make up with mommy." Creepy, yes, but couples need to think about the little ones. Children do make better parents out of us. LOL

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 3:44 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I did this with my ex because I really thought we could make it work. I also thought it would be good for our child. I quickly learned it was not good, got out and I am now happily single. You can't stay for the kids, it'll just make your life miserable.

    Answer by sandbuster at 2:46 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I don't judge her because I don't think that's my place. I'm just there to listen when she wants to talk, I am her friend. But it really breaks my heart that she goes back with him every time. She is so young, and has 3 beautiful children. I guess, she is lonely in a way that he is her only choice. Thank you moms, I just try to understand her and I know it is really hard to move on.

    Comment by bratgirln1 (original poster) at 3:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • There could be a lot of reasons about why she is doing this.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 8:18 PM on Dec. 19, 2010