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My 9 Year Old Lies..I dont get it

My 9 year old daughter has always been taught that no matter what she will not be punished for telling me the truth even if it is bad and I have always stuck by that.

When I get the feeling she is lying and she says she isnt and then I will tell her she has a chance now to tell the truth because if I find out she is lying after she will be punished she starts to spill her gutts. I get upset because she lied in the 1st place and want to punish her so she understands that she cant do the things she lies about but I cant because she did tell me the truth even after the fact. Am I wrong for not punishing her? I am just totally confused about this sometimes.

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Asked by NoreSammi at 9:00 PM on Nov. 8, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (6)
  • My dd was the same way. I am not sure how into religion you are and some may not agree with this. But we sat her down and asked her who is the father of the lie? satan. And we don't want to follow satan in any way. And lieing would be follwing satan..Remember in the beginning? Satan Told Adam and Eve they positively would not die.
    If worked for us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • John 8:44 also says he is the father of the lie.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I have a 12 year old that is normally an awesome kid. Extremely responsible, does his chores, does what he is asked.. and yet.. is a compulsive liar... Thing is .. it doesn't matter if he is going to get in trouble or not for the truth.. if i ask him a question, he will lie without thinking about it. Not sure why... and it makes my blood boil. My neighbor suggested something that seems to be working. When I ask a question - I usually know what the answer is going to be.. think about it.. you do. If you think it's something he/she may lie about - tell them.. I don't want the answer until you STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT. When you are ready to answer me.. then we will talk. If they lie - they get punished. No ifs, ands or buts about it.. lies are NOT acceptable. You don't have to punish her for the "Crime" .... but punishment for the Lie. Explain the difference.


    Answer by 4xmommy2008 at 3:43 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I punnish my kids every time they are caught in a lie. Every time! From my experience, they get into a lying stage between 8 and 10. I don't know if they grow out of it, or just get better at it, but that seems to be the age where they are testing the limits. Just be consistent so they know it is not acceptable behavior!

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:22 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • My 8 year old son has just starting lying, as in he doesn't seem to even think about it, and there's no reason for it half the time, he just lies without realising it really. So I started taking a little bit off his pocket money everytime he lied, and now he seems to think more about what he says before he says it and I hardly ever find out he's lying.

    Answer by haleykarson at 12:52 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I love all of your suggestions. A lie is a lie. But what if she tells the truth after lying. This is the part that I battle with. I dont want her to think that she will get punished for telling me the truth..If I punish her for only telling the lie and the actual thing she didn/diodnt do wont that make her think she cant tell the truth even if she gets caught? I want her to feel that she can tell me anything especially now that she getting older.

    Answer by NoreSammi at 10:03 AM on Nov. 14, 2008

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