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2 Bumps

S/O and I broke up because I was pregnant and he does not want children??

My boyfriend and I recently parted ways because I discovered I was pregnant and he does not want children. I already have a child, and he does not mind dating women who have children, just has a strong aversion to having his own. We only used condoms while being sexually active, which was stupid looking back on it because we had 2 different pregnancy scares before actually discovering I was pregnant. He left because he said he could not handle the stress, leaving me to deal with it on my own. He would prefer I have an abortion but that is not going to happen. Now I am almost 8 weeks pregnant and on my own again. Which I do not mind because at the end I could not trust him to be faithful. I guess I am just searching for support. Anyone out there that may be around the same stage I am that wants to talk and share baby stuff together. He plans to take me to court to try and take the child away after birth, which I know will not happen. The proof he would need would be astronomical, and there is no proof against me being a good mother. I just feel very lone right now, and very lost. Any advice for me out there?? Thanks in advance.

Answer Question

Asked by sassyblackchica at 2:44 AM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • It seems to me that you have a deal breaker, right in the middle of that relationship --and have always known so.

    If he's so averse to having children, why has he not been sterilized? It's a simple procedure and he'd never have to talk about it, or worry about it, ever again.

    Or, of course, he could actually act in accord with his stated beliefs and refrain from engaging in any sexual activity that is likely to cause pregnancy.

    So... sorry, but I don't buy it. He maybe doesn't want kids with you... or yet... but if he really didn't want children, he'd make the decisions that are within his power to avoid it. And, knowing that you've already had a child and (presumably) that you would not consider abortion... why was he ever having sex with you?

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:55 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I did not know until the first pregnancy scare his views on children. It is not that he does not children with me, he does not want children with anyone. His aversion was startling to find out. We were together for a year before it came to light. As for why he does not go get sterilized I asked him the same question. His response was how much it cost, but it is cheaper then having a child. His urge to have sex outweighs his urge to stay safe?? I have tried to figure that out as well.

    Comment by sassyblackchica (original poster) at 2:58 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Okay I would get a lawyer or talk to one and find out how you can be the only custodial parent. Second does he have other children and if he does is he not taking care of them the things he is saying makes him sound like he has other kids??? Third if he left for this are you not glad it was at the beginning then after the child was born. third (((HUGS)))) . Being a single parent is hard as you know but like I found better then relying on someone who is not grown enough to be responsible.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:20 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • If he doesn't want kids, why would he try to take it away?

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 3:23 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Actually I just discovered he talked the two other women he got pregnant into having abortions. He thought he could talk me into one too. I do not know how he got so lucky as to not having at least a few children roaming around. I suspect that he does, just that the mothers never told him. After the rant he gave me this last time, I can see why. I am a firm believer in the child knowing both parents, but do not want to have to deal with someone who is so selfish as to consider his life being ruined by a child. I wish he had left after the first scare. He just does not want to lose his bachelor lifestyle, or being able to sleep with whoever he wants or do whatever he wants. He is 31 and acts like he is still 17.

    Comment by sassyblackchica (original poster) at 3:25 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Because he does not want to pay child support. He thinks that men should not have to pay if they wanted an abortion in the first place. I told him we could adopt it out, but he does not want anyone else raising his child either. He just wants an abortion. Plain and simple. So that he can continue his lifestyle and not have any responsibilities in life.

    Comment by sassyblackchica (original poster) at 3:27 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Well I heard that in some states that if the father of the baby does not contribute anything (money wise, like food, prenatal care, clothing, crib, diapers) he then gets no visitation rights. Talk to a lawyer RIGHT AWAY. You don't want to get taken by suprise legally. I know your heart is broken, but you will move on and have another beautiful baby.

    Answer by MarvelousMama at 3:28 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • That is what I want to know too! Why would he want to take this child away from you?? Is he just trying to ruin your life now or what?

    Answer by missmissymee at 3:30 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Um why does he want to go to court to take child away....i thought you said he doesn't want kids and that was why he left?

    Answer by harris4 at 3:30 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • that is exactly it. He does not want children. Would rather kill me and go to jail then have children. Believe me, he told me that. But it galls him that I refuse to see him or listen to his threats. He just does not want to lose his lifestyle. that is what it boils down too. He is in no way prepared to have a child in his life. His bedrooms walls are covered with knives for heavens sakes. He just does not want me to have the child either. Because he knows how much I want it. Not that I wanted to be pregnant, but I will not turn my own child away and not love it. He is vindictive, and thinks that if he somehow runs me through the court system he will somehow win. It is how he thinks.

    Comment by sassyblackchica (original poster) at 3:34 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

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