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I feel really stupid no way to undo this....any advice?

So long story short. husband of 7 years cheated on me with a ex girlfriend he hooked up with via myspace/ facebook and we are working on trust and such and he wanted to make a new facebook account. he said he would only put his friends and family on it. so I am thinking immediate family such as brothers sisters cousins and close friends. So then he added some girl that is a relative by marriage, and his brothers ex girlfriend that is the mom of his nephew that he hasn't seen in 14 years, and says that he grew up with them so they are family and then some other girls are friends from back whenever or friends of the family and his brothers wife's sister who he says he considers family that he only new for two years and hasn't seen in like 10. so basically any one he says is family is family. So i say how can i know he is not doing anything fishy if family is just on who he considers family ect. well he says that we can talk about the person before he adds them. which means he says why they are important friends or why they are considered family and then i am just supposed to say ok. cuz if i say i don't want them on then it will just be an argument. SO i say how bout you just don't go on facebook after 9pm so i know he is not doing anything,, and he says that is so basically its all gonna be his way. I never would have agreed on opening the facebook had i know.. now there is nothing I can do. I am just upset and feel like i am so stupid for not clarifying what should be considered family or friends in the beginning..


Asked by NaiveDream at 9:38 AM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,403 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • He is playing games with you. Ask for a list of his fb "friends" and show him the people you want him to remove. If he can't remove them, he can't do it. If those are removed, problem solved?

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:18 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • He is being juvenile. He cheated with someone he hooked up with on a social networking site. If he really wants to earn your trust back, he would stop playing these games. You need to put your foot down and let him know that he is the one who screwed up and part of the consequences of that is the fact that now you don't trust him and how he is acting is not giving you reason to trust him.
    If you are not already in couples counseling, I strongly suggest you go.
    Oh, and please don't feel stupid. You aren't, you are just being manipulated by a jerk.

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:44 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Ask him for his password. If he has nothing to hide, he should have no problem with you having full access to his account. If you have a facebook account, make sure you are his friend on there so you will see any new friends or activity. Good luck!

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:42 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • By The Way, Ladies,---- I PERSONALLY think Facebook IS A DISASTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... I WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ---HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT,-------- NO WAY, NOT EVER-----N-E-V-E-R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by IndigoRose at 11:06 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Just tell him how it makes you feel, I know my husband tells me he would delete his facebook in a heartbeat to keep me from being upset about something. He has never cheated on me and maybe its crazy for me to get a little jelous but the thing is facebook is nowhere near as important as my feelings in his world. If there are alot of rules he will probably feel like a child. Maybe you can just talk to him and he will understand. I know it's a really tough thing to deal with (i have an ex husband too lol) Just pray and hope that God will give you the right words to say and help restore your trust

    Answer by Ethans_Ma at 9:45 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • if he doesnt give u the password he is being sneaky. You remind him that it is HIS fault that u dont trust him. HE did this to his damn self. I would throw a fit. Tell him it is going to take forever to trust him fully again, and when he pulls shit like this he is starting over again. You know what he will do? He will say you are crazy and he isnt doing anything....blahblahblah....they always try to make you feel guilty and insane so that you stop harassing them. Well dont stop. Bug him every minute of everyday. He doesnt need a damn facebook anyways, tell him to pick up the phone and call all of his long lost friends from 20 yrs ago.

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 9:51 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Facebook is evil and disgusting. With loads of bad people. But if your HB wants to cheat on you again, he doesn't need the facebook. There are so many other pages he can find someone to hook up with. I don't think I could rebuild the trust with anyone if this would happen. I don't think it would be anything to talk about anymore. Go forward and find your guy who wants you and not a woman from his past. You can never rebuild your trust and you can feel it otherwise you wouldn't write this question here. You can close your eyes and live like nothing happened but the pain will never go away. And if he follows this behaviour with you (add anyone on facebook, etc.) than nothing changed. I am sorry that happened. I hope you will find your true other half soon.


    Answer by adriennfaklya at 9:51 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • How bout this concept...he doesn't have a facebook/myspace account at all!!!!!!! He fucked up and now if he wants this to work, he needs to kiss your ass and bend over backwards for you. If he's not willing to do that...then, he doesn't care about you or the relationship which is something that you should already suspect, hence...he would never have cheated on you to begin with if he did care about you. I'm talking from experience not just out of my ass.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:30 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I'll be frank... It sounds like he is using Facebook as a way to get to hook up with potentials for cheating on you !!!! This is a lot of BULL... And,---I wouldn't put up with it for a minute ! I'd tell him stop it ---OR---he loses me !!!... I'd tell him when it comes to my husband ( HIM ! ) I DON'T SHARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!... THE END.

    Answer by IndigoRose at 11:02 AM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I feel that since hes cheated before,and IF he wants to work on the relationship,he will do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. What you describe sound very fishy to me and I personally wouldnt trust him as far as I could throw him. However it is your life. If he wants to cheat,he will and it dont take a computer to do that. Hope you the best.

    Answer by phall1069 at 12:18 PM on Dec. 19, 2010