Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is this how he really feels?

My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs and 3months. we have a 16 month old.When we are Good, We are Great!! but when we argue, We Really argue. and it be about the dumbest things. But he goes off topic of the arguements and starts saying I'm insecure, attention seeking, and I stand up for myself I raise my voice because he raised his voice and the arguement is now out of hand. Now he starts saying I dont want to be with you i'm sick of this etc. then he says he dont mean it he said it just because he was mad. I tell him I love him but I'm not trying to keep no man that does not want to be kept. I am a strong woman and I do submit, But when you start calling me names u dont care abot my feelings so therefore I have to protect myself. If he keeps saying that he does not want to be with me when we argue doesnt that mean thats what he really feels inside even when things are great?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • People are different. Some say things they don't mean in an argument and some say things that's truly on their mind when arguing.
    Have you tried talking to him and asking him to stop saying that and explain how it males you feel when he does say stuff like that.
    When fighting don't raise your voice because he does just keep talking in a calm manner, raising your voice because he does doesn't do anyone good and just heats the argument up more.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:30 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • It means he says things he doesn't mean when he is angry, if he really felt this way he wouldn't be with you.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:30 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I can't tell before I talk to him. If you feel like this, go to couple counselling or send him to a counsellor by himself. You are thinking to make him leave through arguing. It can't be worse. So if you want to save your marriage than go and do something about it.
    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 1:31 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Not necessarily. We all say things we don't mean when were angry. But you could ask him when your not arguing. If he means it thats when he would tell you the truth. Just my opinion. Good Luck!
    megamamaw

    Answer by megamamaw at 1:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Thanks! I have told him how that makes me feel. he crys and tell me he is sorry and did not mean it but he continues to do it. I will work on not raising my voice. it does make it worse. Thanks again Ladies!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:43 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Honestly, he needs anger management, take him to counseling for that and you will be better off.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:09 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Stop fighting with him. At least pick your battles. He says mean things during the fight bc he sees he's losing the fight so he tries to knock you off balance by attacking you and the relationship instead of staying on course with the subject matter. If you want to throw him off balance, don't raise your voice. Don't say anything. Just look him in the eye. That will get his attention. It scares men when we don't talk! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:21 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • possible could be both.. he says things he doesnt mean but at the time he means them.. my husband and i were arguing to the point that it was ridiculous and all about stupid stuff.. and when we argued i / he would say crap like that toward the end of the arguing spell.. and i would say good i dont care.. and i really didnt.. it would be easier to NOT have to put up with someone else's problems or issues or attitude.. but in all honesty i didnt mean it because it would be easier but it wouldnt be what i TRUELY wanted.. i wouldnt be with him and i wouldnt be happy. so there are times that it could be meant.. meant as a break.. easier.. but life is full of difficult things that we need and want.. and sometimes we want to give up on the "trip" to get them.. but glad we didnt give up when it all comes down to it.
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 2:23 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • so-- just try to make it where things are "sparking" again.. and stop arguing about things that do not matter.. its difficult i know.. but this is the only way that the realization will come in.. i do love her and she is soooo amazing.. this is why i am with her and i am soo glad we arent arguing anymore.
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 2:25 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.