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what the hell?

The "sperm donor" has visitation every other sunday.. and we have it set up for my parents house because the sherriff made it where he couldnt come to our house becuase he kept showing up without calling (always right after my husband left for work), on days that werent his visitation days, and would refuse to leave even when my daughter wasnt there. and we have it supervised by either my myself or me. I havent been the last 3 visits for the fact that everytime i was there he would try to argue with me the WHOLE time he was there instead of spending time with her. i would literally have to walk off to get him to stop trying to agrue with me in front of her.. and i wouldnt comment back. he just kept trying to push my buttins. but last night my daughter was sick and woke up with a fever this morning.. i gave her medicine and she is feeling a little better but i wasnt going to send her without me when she wasnt feeling well.. so while here i notice that my parents are trying to encourage her to call him daddy..because he showed his ass about her calling my husband daddy (he has been taking care of her and been in her life since her 1st bday and she started calling him that all on her own NO HELP OR ECOURANGEMENT TO START.. all on her own.. and the "sperm donor" had nothing to do with her.. i mean nothing.. wouldnt call to check on her for months never came to see her for months on end.. was going to sign his rights away in oct. last year and said he would have other children and would actually love them.. he only became "interested" in coming to his visitations when he found out i was serious with my husband.. and only tried to argue with me, tried to start fights with my husband and father when he came to visits.. constantly checked the time and still doesnt show up for every visit and doesnt call to check on her or anything" so it offends me that they are walking around saying who is that? why dont you wait til daddy does this daddy that.. STOP DOING THAT he is NOT her daddy he is her sperm donor and doesnt deserve for her to call him daddy. and if she feels that he is her "daddy" she will start calling him that.. dont make her feel like she HAS to call him daddy.

 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 2:10 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I know how you feel. My dd has a sperm donor, he hasn't been around since she was an infant. And I am married. She knows of my Dh as "dad" and doesn't much about the other guy. First of all, tell your parents how you feel. Just because he spends a few hours with her, it does not make him "DAD". Also, you need to let the judge know how he treats you when you are there with your dd. Maybe you can have someone else watch over the meetings and not get in the middle.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 3:08 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • (((HUGS)))) YOu are a saint and no they should not force her to call him anything until he can prove he deserves it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:29 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Tell her she calls him whatever she wants. She sounds old enough to comprehend that. You can't force her to call him Daddy. Any man can be a Sperm Doner, not all men are fit to be Daddy's. Sounds like your DH is perfect for her. Keep her calling him Daddy, and, I would actually teach her to call him by his first name. :) Not only will this piss him off, he might actually sign over her rights and get out of your life. To me, sounds like that is what is needed. JMO though. Good luck. :)
    AtHomeMommy-3

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 2:27 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Have her call him father. He is her father, but you have to earn the title daddy. He does not deserve that title, your DH does.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:27 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Till he can be a real father I dont think he earns the title of Daddy. Your husband her REAL father the one who has rasied her and taken care of her deserves the title more then lazy no good sperm donor.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to take this guy to court and have him stripped if his visition. He may be the bio dad, but it doesn't sound like he's much of a dad! Good Luck with what ever you decide to do!
    momma2b2008

    Answer by momma2b2008 at 5:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • My bio dad was like that. He would come and get me once a month. He would buy me a happy meal and a toy, then take me home. I spent more time with my grandma(his mom). I have more of a bond with the dad that raised me and was there everyday. My bio dad lived in the same town and that is all the time he could make for me. I think your dd knows who she feels in her heart is her dad. So don't let anyone confuse her. Don't let them make her feel bad or anything. Their is nothing wrong with that. He wasn't their my kids dad wants to be in their life now after8 years of not being there. We are not playing games you want to be there or don't. Don't put then through that I have been there as a kid and mine will never feel how I did.
    LADYA1983

    Answer by LADYA1983 at 11:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Oh I am thinking you need to get some therapy. He is your childs father. You need to resolve your anger.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:17 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • mmmegan38- you are probably right about the therapy,but not because of this. he has NOT been in her life and cares NOTHING about her (did you miss where he said he would have other children and actually love them?) but he was abusive (physically & mentally) so i probably do need therapy to help get past that.but i am doing ALOT considering the fact that he doesnt do ANYTHING: call 2 check on her. nothing on holidays, NOTHING at all for her or with her. he doesnt come to every visitation and when he does he checks the time constantly and he leaves early. like yesterday he left an hour and half early (on a 3 hr visit) because he had to be someone today.he wasnt leaving to get there yesterday he said he had to leave in the morning to go somewhere.. and its not like his visits are late at night. he just doesnt care to be with her to about her.. so dont think i need it because i dont think he deserves to be called daddy.
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 10:48 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I disagree with some of the other posts. Even if you don't like the child's father he is the father and it needs to be respected. He is her Dad. Though I don't believe in forcing kids to call someone any particular name, but this guy is her dad. period. My Dad was HORRID to me and my sisters threw boiling hot water on my sister and burned her 2n'd almost 3rd degree burns-a monster- I still call him Dad because he IS MY DAD he always will be. Don't call ppl "donors' at least respect the fact that someone is the biology of the child. Always respect that. It's not condoning behavior, I certainly don't condone all the abuse done to me and my sisters or the behavior of other dads out there, but I still believe the biology should be respected and not just called "the donor".
    cattiesmom78

    Answer by cattiesmom78 at 11:39 AM on Dec. 20, 2010