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4 Bumps

I can't live this way's either sink or swim...please help me decide??

My dd's father is here in NY State. My family is in California. I'm absolutely miserable here, and it's starting to affect the way I parent my daughter. I'm listless and exhausted, unable to maintain her daily routine because of my depression. She's spending too much time watching Handy Manny and not enough time outdoors, reading books, etc.

Her father sees that I am depressed, and feels that I should go ahead and move back to California if it will make me happy (and it will). But I don't think it's fair to separate my dd (2 years old) from her father. She loves him to death, and he's totally attached to her. He says he will find a way to keep in contact with her on a daily basis.

It's such a big decision, and I need to decide quickly, because I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a state of despair and apathy.

Can you ladies offer me any advice? Please?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • You are no good to her if you feel this way. She is young enough to get used to seeing her daddy when he can come and visit. But if you wait too long and she gets older she will miss him more and not understand why you moved. If you go back to your family she will gain all of them also and that will not only help you but her as well. It will be difficult to leave her daddy behind, but what will happen to you? Isn't your well being too high a price to pay? If he is willing to work it out, then by all means think very seriously about the move. Good luck.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 5:00 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I think you owe it to your daughter to seek absolutely every alternative (therapy, medication, changes in diet and exercise, etc.) before you take her father away from her. Contact every day by skype or telephone is not the same thing.

    Answer by annabellelee at 7:15 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • If you fall,so will she. Move back.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:51 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Move back and get Skype so she and her father can talk and see other daily!

    Answer by Sisteract at 5:24 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • ok, you are not married to this guy, what happens when he meets somebody else and has a kid or two with them? not saying it would happen but you would be on the other coast......I would suggest you get some counseling, medication for your depression, and find some friends.....find a local playgroup for your daughter and maybe you will meet some other moms....I'm a military spouse, you can get used to any part of the country and call it home, if you are willing too!

    Answer by michaux at 5:35 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • The dumbest thing for any woman to think is that a child doesn't need the father. A father is not meant to be a visitor or a face over the internet or voice over the phone. You are only doing what's best for you if you move to CA, don't separate a child from her dad whether you're in a relationship or not because it will hurt her. I know by experience. It doesn't matter how many family members she gains it doesn't compare to having a father who's around and active in her life. If you separate them it will create a whole in your childs heart and it will hurt even more when she sees other kids interacting with their fathers knowing that because he's on the other coast she can never have that bonding time that other kids have and enjoy with their dads. Just seek professional help. Don't ruin their chances of having a healthy relationship. Btw it isn't a bad thing to allow the child to live with the father until you get better.

    Answer by Ronique1989 at 6:11 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • OP - thanks for clarifying.

    The reality is only you and your DD's father know what is best for YOUR family. the rest of us? We see only what you can share or opt to share in less than 1000 characters online. We are not equipped to make this decision or to help you do so. You need to do what is best for your daughter -and sometimes that's simply doing best for you.

    Sounds like you and your daughter have a great man in your lives.

    Answer by ldmrmom at 10:43 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • This is a big big decision. Would your husband go with you? It seems like no. This is a hard question to answer, I do not even know. I would want to stay together as a fam. I understand what you are saying I live in upstate NY and by fam lives in NJ. The only thing that gets me through this is mom and dad come up every other weekend. I know it is hard. I still get upset from time to time. I send you BIG HUGS!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • i would move back because going into depression is not going to help your daughter any. Depression is no joke and since her father is being so supportive then i would! Talk to him maybe he will move with you!

    Answer by mommy2be0611 at 5:35 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Sounds like you might have SAD and a touch of depression. If you are and you get some treatment, perhaps you will feel differently?

    Answer by isabellalecour at 5:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

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