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How would you deal with your dh's ego/grudges?

My husband can hold the deepest grudges (over sometimes the smallest offenses) even those against his mother WAIT... that he loves dearly!
I have tried to say to him the "what ifs" but to no avail - he sees himself as being shun .... like the old saying "Once bitten; twice shy"

This is across the board ladies, not any one particular incident and sometimes when it is between him and siblings it is quite childlike.

What would you do - say something or nothing?

Answer Question

Asked by gambilldl at 5:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,315 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • tell him to pick his battles, you never know if that would be the last conversation or last words to the person. Tell him to stop being petty unless it is truly an offense worth being angry over. Learn to laugh it off... life is short!

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 5:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Well, it's hard to say, but it sounds like "saying something" isn't getting through. If he was holding grudges against me, I would definitely be saying something and maybe even seeking counseling. If they're against someone else, I might try stepping back and seeing if he learns a lesson or two. That's really sad for him!

    Answer by Adelicious at 5:40 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Im willing to bet that this is nothing new that this is EXACTLY what he was like when you were dating, when he proposed, and though out the marriage. YOU chose this.... you cant change him now because you changed your mind.  This is what YOU chose.  Live with it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Here's how things work/go with my husband (afterall he's the only one I can speak in referance

    Grudges: he doesn't really hold grudges. He views grudges as unhealthy for himself, pointless, and cause him more wasted energy and emtions than they are worth. Plus grudges add negatively to one's karma. Being a Sikh, he is very watchful and mindful of his karmic scale in this lifetime. Holding grudges goes against many things he holds dear and believes in.

    Ego: Man does the man have an ego.. LOL My husband does have an ego. Even though he has spent nearly a lifetime (he's 49) meditating and working to try and resolve his ego. He still has one. When his ego rears it's ugly head, I point it out directly. I tell him when it's his ego reacting/responding to something and not logic. I tell him when his ego needs to be reighned back in and put in check. For the msot part, he listens and understands.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:55 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Let me clarify 1st my Dh is NOT that way toward ME - or his kids!! (To ANON) this should have been read better.... he is like this toward "HIS" family - as in his mom, dad, siblings, or others that have err'd him in his eyes. I am not trying to change him I am trying to enlighten him that as he aged he is becoming a "Grumpy Old Man"... hope this helps.
    For all the others you are giving wonderful advice!
    BTW my Dh is 46 (not in his twenties!)

    Comment by gambilldl (original poster) at 9:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • as long as it's not against you and affecting ur relationship cuz he's doing it to you I totally would not get involved.

    Answer by cattiesmom78 at 11:25 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

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