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3 Bumps

Help! I have no idea what to do anymore?

I am a future step mom for a 3 year old. When she was getting dropped off at our house today, she got out of the car and threw a rock at our windshield and busted it. Then ran back to her mom's car and started crying saying she wanted to stay with her. My fiance got on to her and made her to stay but she keeps laughing and making a joke, "I throw rocks and broke the car" What the heck? How am I supposed to react to that....

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Krista0723

Asked by Krista0723 at 5:48 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (144 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • yikes! i'm sorry! that sucks! Do you have a good relationship with her? Or is she still anti-you right now? I'd ask her why she thinks it's funny and/or why she did that to your car.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 5:50 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • We were really close for a long time and now she comes over and tells me her mom hates me and she doesn't want me to doing anything for her anymore. We asked her why she did it and she keeps just cause. Then she starts crying saying she wants to go home of we even get on to her or try to have a serious conversation.
    Krista0723

    Comment by Krista0723 (original poster) at 5:53 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Listen...I get uneasy when it comes to posts like this. Sorry, you asked the question, and I am going to keep it real. I notice that a lot (not all) of step parents, have a problem with a child that starts to act out for what ever reason. Think about if this were your child, would you feel the same way? No matter what, she is three years old and your already having some underling issues with her. Think about this before you stay with her father. This is why so many mothers dont want to send their children over to the fathers house with a girlfriend or wife, because some times the step mother has underling issues with loving that child as if they were her own. I think you need to do a lot of thinking of why you feel this way.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 5:54 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • You should be really upset. And you have to tell the child that you are upset because she did that. And that you know she is a good girl but probably she forgot that good girls don't make any harm to people who they love. Actually it is not your role but her father. What did your fiance say? He is the father and divorce here or there he still should have some discipline for his child. Otherwise she will abuse you to death. A child can be very harmful. Plus she probably heard something from her mother as well. Talk to your fiance and make a plan together how will you react to her outbursts. It is better to talk about it now than you will get married and this "little" girl and how to raise a child ruin your soon-to-be-family life...

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 5:54 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Also, you trying to get a three year old to have a serious conversation? what?
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 5:54 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Wow! Have you talked to your fiance about what happened? If not, you should. Tell him, gently, how this has upset you and that you feel there should be a consequence. Do you share in the discipline of the child? Do you have a relationship with her mother? There are so many questions to answer before getting an answer to your question. Sorry if that was confusing. In my opinion, the child should be spoken to and a consequence given, as well some sort of "chore" to equivocate paying for the damage. On the adult end, mom and dad (the child's) should split the cost of the repair.
    lostlemonade

    Answer by lostlemonade at 5:56 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • ok...If he pays childsupport...advise her yall will with hold the amount of a new windshield from it!...just a suggestion...the child....that is a tough one maybe spend some alone time with her and tell her its ok to feel diff than mommy feels about you ....her mommy will still luv her. Then talk about the window maybe also ...gosh sorry not more help this is a toughy!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 5:57 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Just to put this out there...That little girl means the world to me. I have tried to have children of my own and have had 6 miscarriages. What hurts the most is when she comes over and tells me she hates me and doesn't want to be around me because her mommy tells her so. I never said anything to the child because A..she is not mine B..it is not place to say anything it is her parents. I work 40 plus hours a week to pay for a nice car and she wants to make a joke of it. I'm sorry if my issues get in the way. I just wanted some help since I have never been a parent until now and I dont know what to do.
    Krista0723

    Comment by Krista0723 (original poster) at 5:59 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Bellamommyof4.....you are attacking her unneccessarily. She never showed any malice toward this child....and if it were many i probably would have spanked her little butt right in front of her mother!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 6:02 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • But you have to realize she is three, and she is not a older child that completely understands you talks, etc. Her mother should pay for your car. It's not right that her mother is telling her to say bad things about you, but you also need to realize its not the little girls fault...its her mothers. She is putting this in to a childs mind, and at this age they are going to repeat it. I think you do have something deep down that bothers you. Maybe you feel angry because you cant have your own children, and your not happy with her. Im not trying to be mean, but you would be upset about your own child doing this, but you wouldnt be so angry or upset. I think you need to speak with her mother, and let her know this is childish, and she is making her daughters mind corrupt. If you dont want to do it, have your boyfriend do it.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 6:02 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

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