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3 Bumps

as hard as this is going to be I think im going to schedule an abortion. need advice words of encouragement..not for the abortion but my situation.

I currently have a 3yr old with this man that I loved for 8yrs. Problem is he doesn't love me and I don't he ever did. He denied being my daughters father to his whole family until she almost turned 3. He has been nothing but destructive to me and my life. He never took time to spend with my daughter and kept me in court for months lying and saying I jeep her from him and he's trying to be a dad and I won't let him. He was granted visitations s and in 3 months showed up twice! He lies to his family and says I abuse my daughter. He has threatened my life and has been pure evil to me. Well with all that aside we started talking again and slowly began dating again and after a year it seemed like everything changed for the better. He came to see my daughter almost everyday..he was good to me. Helped around a lot. Well I became pregant and currently about 6-7weeks. I thought everything was good and we were getting alone. As soon I told him I was pregnant he stopped coming around. Denying the baby. Telling his mother that I'm abusing my daughter. Threatening to take me to court. Stole my car! I can't take all this anymore. This man has done so much to me and I can't bare to have another child by him. I know the child is innocent and I shouldn't have but myself in that situation. All I go through is drama with him and constant disrespect and lies. My whole family hates him and evem his mother doesn't like that I have him in my life. I feel as though with the abortion I can't just start over with him out my lifee. I can barelyy take care of my daughter( I di everything for her..he doenst help one bit and on top of regular child expenses she goes to a private prek in catholic schioolwhich is exxpensive.) I can't have another baby in a one bedrrom apartment. Its going to be humilating to be carrying his child to my family and his. I hate him and hate that I'm pregnant. I know its going to be a tough decision amd not sure what to do. I am planning on having the procedure on wednesday. I don't know what to do. I want my baby but I just can't have it! I think it will be bnst to do it and rid him of me and my daughter for good. I plan on moving out of state with family once its done..if I go through with it.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (33)
  • I am pro-choice, so I support any decision you choose to make. However, you sound unsure about having the abortion. If you're not sure, you should probably put off the appointment. You can't change your mind after it's done.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 8:09 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I am a firm disbeliever in abortion for myself, but its a part of life and cant condemn others that do. The one thing I want to make clear to women that believe in abortion, is to keep it at one, not to make it a form of birth control. Now for your situation. You have to do what you feel is the right thing to do FOR YOU. All else put aside, any issues, outside influences, etc. How would you feel after the abortion? If you feel like you'll experience heartache from it...dont hurt yourself, consider other options like adoption. If you'd feel fine with yourself, feel peaceful...then do it if you feel like you have no other options. Dont take your time to make your mind up either, if you're going to it NOW. On Monday or Tuesday. Dont wait weeks, months before deciding. Good luck, and remember that life circumstances CHANGE. Even if things arent going well now, they always change. Good luck.

    Answer by 4heartbeats at 8:11 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I'm also very pro-choice but just like TARARENEE said...if your not 100% could have nightmares about this for the rest of your life.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:11 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Personally, I may get down voted... but this is the honest truth.

    1) You were trying to get your life together, you loved this man and you wanted a life with him for your daughter.... but it was DUMB to get back with him at all after what he did to you.
    2) Your daughter only needs YOU to make it. She will be stronger, happier and a better person if you ensure she is in a healthy and safe home. I was raised by one parent (my mom) and I turned out great if I say so myself. :)
    3) If you let him back in your life or your childrens..... you are STUPID.
    4) You need to have this baby. You chose to have sex. You chose to procreate. You need to make the decision to be an ADULT and have this child. Even if you give it up for adoption. I had my second child by myself, no man, etc... and she is the best thing to ever happen to me.


    Answer by Memigen at 8:13 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • This may sound harsh, but I don't know how to put it any other way. Please know that I am saying this with the best of intentions.

    You are going to punish your baby for your mistakes and for the father's mistakes. That's not fair to the baby, that baby deserves a chance at life. If you go through with the abortion, I promise you, you'll live the rest of your life regretting it. I understand how hard it's going to be, but this isn't going to make it any easier. Also, this man has manipulated you and everyone he knows in so many diabolical ways... imagine what he'll say to you when he finds out that you aborted your child? What are you going to say when he comes at you with remarks about how you killed his baby?

    I'm sorry, I know you are in a really difficult position right now - but an abortion won't make things any easier. At least if you have the baby you'll always have that little blessing to soften the blows.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:13 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • That child still deserves a chance wether you want to raise it or not, I feel for you in your situation but you shouldn't resort to murder.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I am very UNSURE!!! I don't want to put it off any longer because the later its done the more painful. I want to keep it and have an abortion at the same time. The baby is innocent but I jusough all I have been through again with no family no man no money.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:15 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Sweetie. I have been raising two kids alone for 7 yrs. My whole family has lived 3000 miles away from me for about 20 yrs now. You can still go after him for child support. I did it and so can you. My guys are 18 and 16 now and they are the center of my universe. Men come and men go but your kids will always be there for you. Good luck to you.

    Answer by beyondhopes at 8:20 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • We can't make this decision for you. We can offer you advice, but ultimately, it will be up to you. As some of the other ladies said, you may regret having an abortion. But you may not. But if, at the clinic, you show any uncertainty, they won't do it.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 8:20 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • It seems you are desparate and hopeless right now. I feel for you. But a year from now, you may look back after you made it through and ask yourself, "I wonder if I did the right thing". Think about what you will tell yourself. I had a baby in a bad situation, and I am so glad she's here. I didn' t even have a place to live.
    There has to be some accountability here so that you don't make this mistake again. You knew what he was and you should have left him alone. Terminating your pregnancy isn't going to solve anything, and isn't fair to your baby. If you are having second thoughts, please listen to yourself, not what your SO is saying.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:23 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

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