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2 Bumps

Not really my place but....

My SO has two boys (6 and 8 yrs old) from a previous relationship. Well their mom is constantly undermining his authority when they are with her. Telling them stuff like "even if daddy says it's okay, it's not." She is teaching them that he doesn't know what he's talking about and she is the boss, not him. Also, every time she calls the boys to talk to them, they go in the other room and tell her everything that they think he's done wrong that weekend. We are expecting our first baby together in Feb. and just the other day, she says to me things like "he's lazy" and "if he tells you he knows what he is talking about with the baby, he doesn't". And says this stuff right in front of the kids! I'm afraid as they get older they will not respect him at all because of what she is doing. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be on bad terms with her and make everything weird. Also, I don't think it is really my place to say anything. Any advice on how to show the kids the right way to see their dad without causing drama???

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Kelli1012

Asked by Kelli1012 at 8:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I just tell my step son that when he's with us, he follows our rules. If his mom doesn't like it she needs to talk to daddy. She likes to cause drama like that too.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 8:41 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I would just take the high road. Make sure you're teaching them right from wrong, and eventually they will figure it out. Kids are smarter than we think, so have faith, they will know you're doing what's best.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:44 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • I don't have an answer for this that would be the right answer. I did wanna take the time though to say that you are a very big personfor being so patient and tolerant of such a crazy sounding woman! Kudo's to you! Your going to be a great mom!
    usdragonflies

    Answer by usdragonflies at 8:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • All you can do is set the best example you can. Refuse to talk trash about her or things she's done when they are present. She will likely gain an upper hand...but eventually, if they're smart they will come to see that it was Mom that made things harder for them. It isn't your place. It is his...but I'm not sure saying anything even from him is worth the hassle and drama.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • your husband should be the one saying something not u
    Sky_Mom

    Answer by Sky_Mom at 1:19 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You are not going to change this woman's mind, but you can focus on being a positive person around the little boys. Calmly enforce your rules in your house. Point out the good things their father does. Teach them to say "thank you" when someone does something nice, and do the same back to them. Encourage them to think about other people's feeling, including how it's not nice to say nasty things about someone behind their back (this should be a general lesson, not just specifically about dad.) Teach them how people do things differently, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong (again, a general lesson). Make it clear that you know they love their mom, and this is a good thing to feel - that you are not going to say nasty things about her. Hopefully, by being a very strong and open counterpoint to this lady's craziness, you can gradually help guide these kids to become good people as they grow up. Best of luck!!!
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 4:12 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

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