Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Not really my place but....



My SO has two boys (6 and 8 yrs old) from a previous relationship. Well their mom is constantly undermining his authority when they are with her. Telling them stuff like "even if daddy says it's okay, it's not." She is teaching them that he doesn't know what he's talking about and she is the boss, not him. Also, every time she calls the boys to talk to them, they go in the other room and tell her everything that they think he's done wrong that weekend. We are expecting our first baby together in Feb. and just the other day, she says to me things like "he's lazy" and "if he tells you he knows what he is talking about with the baby, he doesn't". And says this stuff right in front of the kids! I'm afraid as they get older they will not respect him at all because of what she is doing. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be on bad terms with her and make everything weird. Also, I don't think it is really my place to say anything. Any advice on how to show the kids the right way to see their dad without causing drama???

Answer Question
 
Kelli1012

Asked by Kelli1012 at 9:30 PM on Dec. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Talk to your SO and tell him to grow a back bone and stand up to her. Tell her she needs to keep her mouth shut and not bad mouth him to the kids. Have him threaten her. The courts don't like it when one parent downs the other to the kids.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • He says there is nothing he can do about it. He has been dealing with this for a while now. I told him what she said to me. He says doesn't want to give her a reason to make his life hell again.
    Kelli1012

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • There IS something he can do about he's just choosing not to. He's being a door mat. The thing is she is making his life hell because of what she says to his kids. Sooner or later they might believe what they hear because that's all the hear from their mother.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Probably best to stay out of it. It's his job to say something and you coming in the middle is not going to make it better. I would not advise threatening either. Courts don't like a lot of things and threats are among those. If he doesn't care that his kids think he is an idiot, if that is what is really going on, not much you can do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Courts do not get involved in petty personal matters. All they are going to do is make sure child support and visitation is occuring they aren't going to lift a finger over he said/she said crap. I know 2 people who work in family court and they hate this kind of stuff. She shouldn't be making him look bad in front of the kids I agree but you never know what led to this either. He could have been a different person but maybe changed and its hard for a mother to just let those things go. I can relate because I have a son's father who I am actually currently with again who was so irresponsible and childish when my son was first born that i was afraid to leave him with the baby. He almost dropped him whenever i wasn't around and other non sense. He is changing though and we are working on a lot including him being more responsible so i dont have to rip my hair out when hes watching him but my point is there must be a reason. JMHO
    Crystal8327

    Answer by Crystal8327 at 9:44 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Maybe all sit down and talk together. But that might backfire if shes the uncivil type.
    Crystal8327

    Answer by Crystal8327 at 9:48 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • Really all he could do about it is say something to her. But knowing her it would only make things worse. I was really just wondering what I could do to let these kids know that their dad is someone to respect. Without involving her of course.
    Kelli1012

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 9:50 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • All you could do is maybe try to talk together about it. If you think talking to her isn't a good idea then maybe sit down and talk to the boys. How old are they?
    Crystal8327

    Answer by Crystal8327 at 9:55 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • 6 and 8.
    Kelli1012

    Comment by Kelli1012 (original poster) at 10:02 PM on Dec. 19, 2010

  • stay out of it. You two just keep loving on those kids and be good role models. The kids will see in time what mom says and what you do are not a match-ppl believe what they see...incl. kids.

    STAY OUT OF IT!
    cattiesmom78

    Answer by cattiesmom78 at 11:19 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.