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3 Bumps

How to deal with a lost during the holidays?

In the last 5 months I have lost 3 people in my life, my Papa, Mom/Bf (mother in law), and my uncle.
It is very hard on everyone and things are not the same at all.
To me it feels like us adults are walking around on egg shells and do not know what to do...

Answer Question
 
AngelaDiane

Asked by AngelaDiane at 12:09 AM on Dec. 20, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Things are never the same. At all.

    Focus on what is actually happening. Focus on the wonderful memories you have of those people, and how you can pass on their wisdom, their character traits that were noble or kind...

    The more you look at the absence of something (anything, a pet, a broken glass, an idea that's been dashed or a relationship that's passed) the more you mind its absence.

    The more you look at the value of its presence, when it was, the more you gain --both in terms of how positively you experience the world, but also in your affect on your life and other people.

    Was knowing them a great gift that has enriched your life, or a tragedy that will torture you forever? That choice is yours.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:15 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I agree you kinda have to find a new normal.....so sorry for you!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 12:17 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • hi..think of GOD more often and take time to pray...
    neng999

    Answer by neng999 at 12:24 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    It seems particularly hard to accept the loss of loved ones over this holiday season. The places they would have occupied seem to be everywhere, and every joy is missing the light they would have brought.

    Turn to your faith. Speak of them when they come to mind...this may, in shorter time, ease the feeling of walking on eggshells, and make the grieving less heavy. When you think of them, picture them in a better place, relieved of worldly cares. And, most of all, trust that you will be with them again one day.

    I guess I'm assuming your faith allows for all of this. If you are not religious/spiritual, perhaps you can find comfort in knowing that whatever their life's purpose was here, now it is complete.

    In any case, please do try to think of them in relation to the joy, support, and love they brought to your life. They would not likely want their memory to bring you pain. :-)
    ss_mom

    Answer by ss_mom at 12:27 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I worrie mostly about the kids. We talk about happy times when they want too, we look at photos, and there are days when they are so mad at everything and everyone and ask why....

    Our papa die from cancer
    Our momo die from lung cancer
    Our uncle die from alcohol


    AngelaDiane

    Comment by AngelaDiane (original poster) at 12:28 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Just proceed as you normally would. Celebrate who you do have with you. Your family members wouldn't want to see you upset especially on Christmas. Just remember they're with you still just not physically.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:39 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Celebrate thier lives, talk about the good times. Enjoy the day as you know they'd want you to. Grieve on another day.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:20 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • When I lost my husband, I came to the conclusion that we had to have a "new normal". Things aren't the same. You will find that some traditions are too hard emotionally to keep up, so you don't. You might also want to go hide in a room for a bit when everyone is around, that is ok.

    I made sure that I did "family" stuff and let people know when too much was too much. Mostly, the adults need to talk to each other. They also need to talk with the kids and let them know that it is OK to be sad on a day when everyone else is happy.

    Lots of love being sent to you.
    beanielips

    Answer by beanielips at 11:49 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • All u can do is go about ur normal daily life and holidays. This IS the best time to be with family and friends.
    bnnsweet

    Answer by bnnsweet at 11:01 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • sorry u r going thru this x
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 12:06 PM on Dec. 24, 2010

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