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4 Bumps

Deadbeat dad approach, what do I do??

This is my second full-term pregnancy. The first one, we were TTC and the dad ditched me at 6 weeks pregnant and knocked up his new girlfriend (he was cheating come to find) 3.5 months later. Never heard from him. My son passed away one SINGLE day before child support went into effect, and he got off scott free telling people it wasn't his. Half of them believe him, the other half couldn't care either way. Now... this baby I conceived after trying for 8 months with my best friend of seven years. We were talking marriage, living next door to his parents, living together at the time.... the WHOLE packadge. He went on a trip with my grandparents and met a girl. I found out they were talking, and pretty much together, I flipped out on his pathetic ass. He told me to "get over my son, other people have shit wrong in their lives too" when it had only been 8 months since his passing and I RARELY show my tears or concern or hurt to ANYONE. Come to find out through a mutual friend (who introduced us), that he is telling everyone it isn't his. meanwhile, I didn' ttalk to him for three months. Just last week I made a fake facebook account to e-mail him where he said he'd rather pay child support than have anypart of my life or this child. Well, she called him out on it. I told her to tell him to do a DNA test right now, in uterou and get it out of the way if he wants to talk the talk, walk the walk. So she did. She then told me I needed to be nice to him and not push him away..*eghum, he knew EVERY corner of my soul, he knew my hopes fears, my mind.. I trusted him more than ANYTHING or ANYONE ever in my life. I told him what my son's dad did, and yet he STILL had the audacity to do the same. How the HELL can I be civil to him after what he has done to me AND to this baby, most importantly. I cannot ethically feel right or safe to be "nice" and allow him into my daughter's life that he so atimately (sp?) has lied, and weezled his way to avoid ever being a part of??? What would you do?... aside never dating again. lol

Answer Question

Asked by poweredbycarma at 3:08 AM on Dec. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (104 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • So what exactly is the question? Unfortunately, you have to do whatever your state law says. I wish I knew what you were asking. I would, however, keep your communication with this guy to a minimum. He sounds like a real piece of work.

    Answer by Averylee85 at 3:47 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Sorry.. it ended up a rant and I didn't know where to post it. My question is what would you do in the situation as far as dealing with this baby's dad? I juts realized my mutual friend broke up with her fiance and that is why she is now talking to him again. They dated for 2 years WAAYYY a long time ago. Of course, only after I dated him... it's a big huge freakin' disaster that has evolved over the course of 7 years. So he has baby mama ( me), his ex (who he is ABSOLUTELY still in love with) and his current girlfriend.... wow... he sure does have serious problems doesn't he... ugh....

    Comment by poweredbycarma (original poster) at 3:57 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • After making the same mistake twice, I hope you have learned a valuable lesson and will be more cautious in the future.I don't think you ever get over losing a child so eight months is certainly not a long time to still be grieving. As far as this deadbeat loser, unfortunately, you catch more bees with honey. First, get some professional help for yourself- a psychologist and a lawyer, especially a lawyer. I wouldn't let him take part in my daughter's life without written proof of paternity and until I legally set up written terms. I have two friends whose daughters are going through similar situations. I also had a friend who trusted his ex while he played a major part of their daughter's life, but he had no written proof of it. It came back later as his daughter grew older "to bite him in the ass", so to speak. So be smart, stay one step ahead of him, and take whatever "help" he wants to give and document everything!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:59 AM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Well if you have him take a dna test and the kid is his by law he can see the kid espically if he pay child support.This is so hard i feel for you. Think you wanthim involed if you don't then no dna test. Good luck.

    Answer by Betutah at 12:02 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I would say quit making kids with men that you aren't married to and also be prepared to support yourself and your child without any child support if you are not going to choose to be discriminate with your men.

    Not a basher believe me I totally understand what your dealing with just being truthful. I too have lost a child in fact 2 so trust me I get it

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 3:07 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

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