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Is he being abused?

My step son who is 4 and has been completely potty trained since the age of 4 is showing signs of regression recently. He lives with his mother and uncle and has had a few toilet issues. He has made in his pants in head start, put his feces on the wall at the baby sitter, and here at my home on a visit, peed in his little brothers potty training toilet which he has never done and knows not too. He has also been having bad behavior in school being aggressive and hitting other children. It had gotten so bad that the school will only allow him to go half a day and not a full day. I try to ask him if everything is ok but he gets shy and tells me everything is ok. CONTINUE....


Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • this is a sign that he has been abused,my 4 year old has been abused done the same thing,go to doctor tell him your concern,he will refer you to cops to lay a complaint and child youth and family,there all to help you,they have trained children lawyer who can get it out of him without damaging them,if he backing away like this then yes something has gone on.please let me know everything is ok,and keep telling he wont get into trouble,that youll love him and reasure him if he tells he wont get into trouble and tell him if something has happened you will be believing him and going to cops and getting who did this to him in trouble not him,i am with you on this


    Answer by cruizymum at 4:37 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • CONTINUED....The only issue we have ha din the past is he told us his mother hit him with a belt and when we reported it to CPS, it came back unfounded because they say in my state corporal punishment is allowed. He also has a lying problem so we are never really sure what's the truth. Now he tells me sometime sthat his uncle hits him with a belt and other times that he doesnt. We feel like our hands are tied. If there is abuse we don't want to tip his mother or a possible abuser off and then threaten him but need his insurence information. I would look for a sliding scale Dr. but I am afraid that doctor may not be as good. Any thoughts or advice?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • *potty trained since the age of 3

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • whether or not your state finds it as abuse, it's possible that their form of discipline even though legal is effecting psychologically.
    the psychological effects can give CPS cause to establish abuse.
    however you would need to take him to a psychologist to get evaluated and that will take several trips so that they can get a "feel for him" KWIM?
    Do not be turned off by sliding scale doctors. They are just as good if not better in some cases. In my experience, the majority are actually in it for helping the less fortunate and not in it to make the big bucks.

    Answer by flutterfae at 1:06 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Maybe take him to a counselor? If something is going on maybe a neutral person can get it out of him. wow im not sure what else to tell you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • It is possible BUT it is possible he is acting oput due to something new happening in his life. Has his mother started dating? If so is he around the mothers boyfriend aswell? It is possible that he doesn't get along with the BF.

    The more I think about the aggressive behavior it is most likely frustration that is causing it. If he starts showing signs of physical or verbal abuse than I would jump on the wagon and start to get him out of the situation. I hope everything is OK!

    Answer by nyteowl at 1:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • 4 year olds when they have no control in their lives will act out in this manner. The one thing they have control over is their toilet issues and eating. He probably is frustrated with something going on and is acting out aggressively because he doesn't know how to voice what is going on. I would spend some real quality time with him and reassure him that he is loved and that he can talk about anything and he won't get in trouble for doing so.


    Answer by nyteowl at 1:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Call your local sexual assault agency and they can tell you how to proceed. I have worked professionally with many children who have been sexually abused. I am not willing to say that your step son is being abused. But if I were a sexual assault advocate listening to your concerns I see a number of red flags. One, smearing fecal matter is often a sign of sexual abuse. But there could be other medical issues for it so don't jump to conclusions. Two, oppositional behavior is an indicator that something is not right in his world. Again, not saying it is due to abuse. But the key is to advocate that a FORENSIC INTERVEIWER assess him. Remember to ask for that. They are specialists in their field who can assess if signs, symptoms, behaviors are compatable with other children who have been sexually abused.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:18 AM on Nov. 9, 2008