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4 Bumps

anger after cheating?

does anyone lese think that the anger felt after finding out your partner has cheated should be at the cheating partner and not the other women?

if you take your anger and point it at the other woman, does it take anger away from the person that deserves the anger - the cheating man

(of course if it was your sister or a good friend- then anger at both very acceptable)

if it was not that woman it would have been another, so why use any anger up on the woman when ALL anger should be directed at the cheating scum bag man
(if gay, please change gender as it to fit your situation)

 
fiatpax

Asked by fiatpax at 2:22 PM on Dec. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • My DH knows he is married... therefore the responsibility is all his... the other woman/man (whatever) may not necessarily know and be being filled with lies as well.... I don't blame the other unless there was knowledge of the relationship and they defied that bond intentionally.... make sense??? I know what you mean and agree.

    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 2:25 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • It takes to tango, therefore, if the person he or she cheats with knows they're messing with someone's spouse, being mad at both is only natural. However, if I was the one getting cheated on, I would be way more upset at my Husband because He is exactly that - my Husband - which means He is the one wrecking Our Marriage by screwing someone else. Hope that makes sense. =]
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 2:31 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I know what you mean. all these women make it sound like the other women put a spell on the DH or something. I would be pissed at my DH. She can not do anything if he wont let her.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:25 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • My thoughts.

    I totally agree with you. All those years ago when my husband had his ONS. ALL and I do mean ALL of my anger (more like sheer rage), hurt, and the million other things I felt, were all directed at him and him alone. I knew who the woman was, where I could find her (they worked together at the time.. he quit 2 days after the night it happened/night of his confession). However, she was irrelevant and totally insignificant to me. HE on the other hand, he was the one who owed me so very much. He moved out the day after he confessed, by my reguest, my anger immediatley afterward (and for a good year) was extreme enough that we could not live together. It took a good year before I had reconciled enough within myself, to even begin reconciling with him. To this day, 16 years later, I still feel that the OW was irrelevant and was not worthy of me wasting any of my precious time or emotions on.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:16 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I had never had this happened but my anger would be towards my mate who betrayed me not the other woman.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:28 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I can't say ALL my anger would be towards my Husband, but 90% of it would be...
    HE said vows to me. it's HIS responsibility to be loyal to ME. her on the other hand...she doesn't owe me anything. I have no ties to her, at all. I think I'd be upset at her for going through with the actions, especially if she KNEW and went ahead anyway.
    but definitely most of my anger would be towards my Husband.
    -mrs.mamma-

    Answer by -mrs.mamma- at 2:35 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I don't get it- I think the women are only fooling themselves if they think the other woman is to blame AT ALL. The only person who has any responsiblity to you is your significant other, not anybody else no matter what the situation. I think blaming the other woman is just a scapegoat, so that the real issues could never be with their relationship or their husband.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 7:54 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • For me.. I had anger towards both!! They were both in the wrong and the girl knew he was married, had a kid and one on the way!! she was wrong for messing with him and he was wrong for letting her and doing it back! (my ex-husband!!)
    proudmommy690

    Answer by proudmommy690 at 2:24 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I think you should be angry with both. It takes 2. So both of them should get your anger. Depends on how easily you forgive as to how much you show them.
    coffeefairie

    Answer by coffeefairie at 2:25 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • The anger should first and foremost be directed at the spouse because you don't know if she knew he was married or not. In my case the cum dumpster whore knew he was married from day one, she would even ask him when I was calling him "why does she call you, this is my time with you, i get so little of it and here she is trying to get ahold of you"...duh, I'm the wife. She went as far as to tell me that "it's none of your business what your husband and I do" can you believe that shit. So, in this case, it was my duty to make her life a living hell. Not only that but the whore started stalking my house and my daughters school, at which point I told her to stop or she'ld be sorry. She tested me and well, let's just say she was sorry. And in the case of it being a friend or family, well...they'ld be finding pieces.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 2:28 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

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