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I need Christmas advice.

My bf and I will be moving in together next month. We plan to get married in the near future. We both have 7 year olds. His parents didn't buy anything for my son, which I don't think was purposly to leave him out, but just didn't occur to them. Which kinda pisses me off...but whatever;.....
Now we are stuck trying to figure out how to configure Christmas so my son's feelings aren't hurt. (They got his daughter a DS) My son is left out enough in life (his boi father not involved) I don't want him to be hurt/
Should he do his Christmas stuff with her seperate when he picks her up before she comes to open the stuff from me and my mom. (He will be there with us Christmas morning then go get his daughter after she does Christmas morn with her mom and bring her over)
Or do we put something under the tree for him in their name? We don't have much $$, but we both hate the idea of seperating things.
Adivie??
Thanks!

Answer Question
 
mommymeg03

Asked by mommymeg03 at 2:44 PM on Dec. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,235 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Has your BF talked to his parents about the plans and that he wants your child to be treated as part of the family even before the marriage. It probably never occurred to them since you aren't living together or married yet.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:47 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Yup they know our plans. And we were at their house in NC for Thanksgiving and they let my son call them grandma and pop-pop. They know he is the only daddy my son has and that he treats him as his own.

    As annoyed as I am I really don't think it was to be mean, they prob didn't think of it, which is weird to me still but.....
    But either way I'm not letting my son get hurt by feeling like he was forgotten by someone else. (He specifically asks why his dad forgot about him....)

    So I don't know how to handle it.
    mommymeg03

    Comment by mommymeg03 (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You are not going to be able to adequately compensate for 6 billion people who don't care that your son is alive, so best not to try.

    Life is unfair. If he gets thoughtful gifts and loving affection from the people he knows and cares about, he will not come to expect irrelevant gifts and distracted acknowledgment from strangers.

    I'm not sure how you hope to 'fix' the fact that he has a set of grandparents who are stupid, narrow-minded, thoughtless or stunned by spending more moneyyourselves. But I will say: the girl is as likely to notice the inequity and be uncomfortable about it as your son is --perhaps even more so if she thinks of these people as kind and generous.

    Being a kind of nasty 'wow, look, there's more reality for you right there' kind of person, I'd suggest doing absolutely nothing differently --regardless of who gets what from whom, or how valuable it is. People being lavished are often uneasy, which is fine.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:51 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • for this year I would buy something for him and put their names on it,if you simply can't afford to get a comparable gift then I would make sure that she opens the one from them separately. Then have SO talk to his parents and explain that you guys are a family now so if they buy for one in the future it would be appreciated if they buy for both.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 2:51 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I would ask your fiance to ask his parents to send something for his soon to be new son.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 2:53 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • He needs to say to his parents "Mom and Dad, _______ is coming for christmas day. You need to get him a present too."
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 2:55 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I didn't want a confontation with the rents which is why he hasn't said something. It's not the $$ I care about...it's the thought, and my son's feelings. I'm not big into $ = Chrsitmas. But I also don't want him left out. If that makes sence at all. :/
    mommymeg03

    Comment by mommymeg03 (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • It does make sense. I completely understand what you mean. We are having a christmas dinner at our house for my family and my husband's dad and stepmom. We did it last year and my nephews didn't understand why they were only getting one gift and my hubby's nephews were getting bunches. (They were having their christmas with their grandparents and getting their gifts from them that day.) So this year I didn't want to have to see their poor little faces and how disappointed they were so I bought them a little extra. I agree with the fact that gifts don't make christmas but it's not as easy to explain that to a child when they see someone else opening stacks of gifts and they are getting one.
    teagansmom10

    Answer by teagansmom10 at 4:04 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

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