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How do I not blame myself for being cheated on?

meeting my hubby tomorrow for a supervised visit with our 9 month old son (im the priamry caregiver), its a long story why its supervised so i will leave that out for now. i am just nervous because it is the first time i will see him after the infidelity has surfaced. he is still denying it and having friends try to 'vouch' for him. the same friends that are with him when he is with the other woman so not very good clout there. i am so worried i am going to walk in there meek and mild and he will convince me it was my fault somehow and i will believe him. i am very weak right now emotionally after discovering this and need some confidence boosting. thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • #1 Go get a new outfit. Seriously- if you feel like you look good you'll be more confident.

    #2 Screw him. Who cares what he says? Refuse to talk to him about anything that isn't directly related to your son. Be almost... professional about it.
    Katrinka_Renee

    Answer by Katrinka_Renee at 3:02 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I wish you the best , but it is not your fault that he cheated. men try to get us to believe it was because of us. In all honesty you didn't make him go out and get with another female he let his friend in his pants do all the thinking, not realizing what he may cause to happen all for a moment with someone. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT DONT BLAME YOURSELF. Keep reminding yourself that you are strong and you can get through this. He wants you to be weak and to blame it on you so he doesnt have to deal with it. You act as though you are doing just fine to blow his mind. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • no matter what he does or says it is NOT YOUR FAULT you did not grab him by the ear and force him to see other women and I don't care what problems arise at home or not their is always a solution such as counceling instead of cheating. If he tries to put blame on you tell him to stick it, he is only trying to make himself feel better about the wrong he has done by blaming someone else for it. Keep your chin up and know that you deserve much better
    Married2theBest

    Answer by Married2theBest at 3:02 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • MEN DO THIS THEY TURN THE TABLES CAUSE THEY KNOW THEY LOOK BAD SO IF THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG THEY FEEL BETTER ! HE IS A JERK IF YOU DO STAY WITH HIM YOU NEED TO TELL HIM TO GET CHECKED FOR STD 'S AND YOU AS WELL !!! IF I WERE YOU I WOULD NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN AND LEAVE HIM ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT !! TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE BETTER THAN HIM GO GET A MAKEOVER CUT YOUR HAIR / GET A PERM ANYTHING !!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • The once a cheater always a cheater thing IS NOT TRUE!!!!! I was a cheater for years and it took me finding a man that I love more than anything to straighten me out and i would never ever cheat on him.... And people can change so dont belive that unless someone has been there themselves!!! Anyway that being said the lady above is right make sure you look really good NOT FOR HIM BUT FOR YOU so that you feel confident!! And I agree dont talk about anything but your son that way he wont be able to get inside your head about the cheating!!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 3:35 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • CONTINUED.........................IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT people cheat usually because of issues with themselves not with their spouses...Hold your chin up high I know its hard and stand your ground!!! Do not give into him!!! he will see you are not meek and mild and may want to admit he did the wrong and might want to fix it!!! but if not and he does try to place blame on you leave him and dont look back!!! good luck let is know how the visit goes!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 3:35 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • When you got married, you likely took vows to be faithful.

    Who broke the vow? THAT is the person at fault. Motive is unimportant here. He still broke the vow.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:36 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • NOT YOURE FAULT!!! look as beautiful as you can,hold youre head up high,dont l et him see the weakness you may be feeling.you can do this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I once felt like you long time ago.He mad me think every little thing was my fault.After some time passed, I started to realize that if a man is going to cheat, there is nothing you can do about it.Besides kick them to the curb.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 8:25 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Well I just thought I should add that the person who was to supervise our visitation today called while we were at church. I responded later and was informed that my husband did not want to have the visit . Another kick in the gut. I guess it is a way for me to come to terms with the realization he really doenst want a relationship with his own son. I dont understand it at all, but so it goes. One more reason for me to feel more confident moving on.
    Thanks ladies
    babyzionsmama

    Answer by babyzionsmama at 2:31 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

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