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why do people get so smothering

I am prego with my second and am having problems with boundaries. With my first my fam and hubbys fam was waiting out in the waiting room chompin at the bit to come in the delivery room and the second I was done delivering the room filled up(this is not what I wanted). Then when I got home from hospital people constantley wanted to come over, I did not like this either. So this time I have considered not telling when I go into labor and letting everyone know the next day! I am getting alot of attitude for how I feel. I have friends telling me they are gonna be at my house everyday to help and when I tell them no, I need my space they get really upset? What the hell? I am not a warm and fuzzy person and am very private and dont need help. My hubby has 2 weeks off when baby comes and we want to be left alone!! Is this crappy on my part? please tell me I am not alone in this? How do I set clear boundaries without upsetting everyone?


Asked by scanamey77 at 3:00 PM on Dec. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I got totally overwhelmed by visitors at my first birth, and with my later babies I didn't tell people about the birth until we were home and ready to deal with visitors. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Hint, don't tell them you are going to do this or they will just get pissy with you about it. Just nod and smile when they tell you to call them as soon as you go in to labor, and then just call them when you are ready to deal with it.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:49 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You have a right to have it the way you want it. Maybe just change your tone of voice or what you say, like start out telling them you enjoy being with them and appreciate them wanting to help, but you nned to have time alone.This is interesting, because just the other day, there was a mom on here complaining because her husbands family didn't come to see her and her baby often enough. We all have didderent wants and needs, and sometimes it's hard for families to meld together and understand the differences, sometimes people take it the wrong way..

    Answer by SweetLuci at 3:07 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • It's fine to do what you want. When our first baby was born we had family all over us. There were problems that I won't go into. Then when our second was born, everyone was out in the waiting room but as soon as she was born came in. Again, fine at first. But it went on like this for hours. Even after she went to the nursery for testing, family stayed and stayed waiting to see her again and I was so exhausted I could not keep my eyes open. The younger members who were still in school were covertly texting their parents, who were of course still in the room, to call and get them out of school so they could come to the hospital. No one asked if we were tired, if we wanted time alone so we could bond with our baby or anything. It was beyond rude. Finally I said I needed to rest and so did our baby. If you don't want to deal with family, tell them up front that they can visit but within reason. Same goes for when you get home.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 3:19 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Just tell them "I'm sorry but this is how I feel and what I want." Let them know that if you feel you need the help or the company you will call them But that this is a special time for you and your family to bond and get to know the new baby. If they are still upset then oh well they will get over it. You do what YOU want to do. Tell them you only want your husband up at the hospital for the birth and that after you get rest when the baby is here you will call to invite them to meet the new baby. Good luck

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 3:10 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You may not be able to w/o hurting feelings. But you gotta do what you gotta do.'I felt this way too. I have no idea why everyone thought it was ok to invade my space and take up my time at such an important stage of bonding and resting. It's not wrong to not want a bunch of people. All baby needs is you. All you need is your baby and rest. It doesn't hurt any for everyone to just wait a while. That's less distractions, less people to tend to, and less germs.

    Answer by jus1jess at 3:21 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I am so glad to hear this because I have started to feel like the bad guy and its unfair to me to have to feel guilty cuz my loved ones and friends are smothering me and making me anxious!

    Comment by scanamey77 (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Dec. 20, 2010