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what to do when an adopted niece contacts you and sister says don't talk?

My sister had a baby @25 years ago. Some girl has contacted me asking if I am the aunt. (yeah facebook) I contacted my sister to ask her what to do and she said dont say anything. I have not changed my name and she can find me! Well, my sisters name is like super popular and she is not on facebook. I am and have a slightly less common name and I said I graduated from the same school that my sister did. Anyway, here is the thing the other day I got a new message from the possible niece. She was wishing me a Merry Christmas. I hate (1) not knowing and (2) leaving someone hanging!! What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Dec. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Id answer just in case it was my niece and if she contacted you she had a reason, even if she just wanted to find family at holidays. Worst case its not her and you sent a nice message to stranger
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 5:22 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Follow your heart,don't listen to your sister. i would make contact. Why did she give the baby away?
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 5:25 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Talk it over with your sister and tell her you do not want to lie to the "niece". Come up with ideas so you do not invade your sister's privacy but are not rude either. This will be tough. Is your sister not willing to have any contact? GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:30 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • The girl might need medical information. Contact her. U don't need your sisters permission. She gave that right up years ago.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 5:31 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You do what you think is right. Your sister has the right to not be in contact herself, but she absolutely does not have the right to tell you what to do. You need to decide what is right for you.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 5:34 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • yeah you do what is right for you
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 5:37 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I went thru this with an adopted neice that my sister turned over to the court system at the age of 13. It was horrible then and its still horrible now. She did contact me a few years back and we had a wonderful conversation. But then she told her sister, my other neice, that we had talked and it got back to my sis and all hell broke loose. My sister wants nothing to do with her. I think its disgusting and a damn shame that people just cant let us live our lives. Thats my neice too. Hopefully if you do contact her you wont have to go thru all the crap from family members like I did. It was really unfair to my neice and I. good luck
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 5:40 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • My sister was young and knew that it was the best thing for the baby. She is not aginst seeing the girl she just thinks that the girl should contact her first. My prob is like I said. My sister is not thinking that there is no one around where we used to live to tell her where we went. My sisters name is really common down to the middle name so that is not a real avenue for the woman to get into contact with her. My aunt adopted a child and another aunt went to him when he was young and spilled the beans. I have always been mad that she did that and so my heart says let my sister make the decision.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:41 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • I spelled niece wrong 20 times,,,lol,,sorry hit spell check after it sent,,,haha
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 5:42 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • If I was in your position I would reach out to the potential neice, if it is her there is no obligation by your sister that they need to be in contact. You're sister doesn't have a right to tell you what to do. I placed a son for adoption 18 years ago, and can't imagine telling my family members to never talk to him should he reach out at some point in his life. He has a right to know his heritage, who he looks like, his medical history, his life story before adoption. If he would rather reach out to family than to me directly when that time comes, that's his right and I would hope my family would be open to him as well.
    I wonder what your sister is scared of?
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:46 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

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