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2 Bumps

the needy friend

I have been hangin out with this girl and her DD (who my DD loves) for about a year and I do care about her but I feel like she wants all my time and kinda steps over boundaries (she will step in and lecture my DD while I am trying to disipline her myself). She invites herself to do things with me and other friends and she wants to hang out ALOT more than I can. I am gonna have another baby and she insists that she is gonna come over everyday to help(which I dont need or want). I have told her that would not work for me and she doesnt get it, it hurts her feelings and it not personal, I just dont want company. I think her intentions are good but i feel smothered. I have kinda tryed to express that to her but she gets kinda defensive. What do I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Dec. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Unfortunately I'm like her, I'm the needy friend, mostly because i don't have many i guess anyway off to the actual point. Your gonna have to tell her the truth- plain and simple. We needy folk have a million and one ways to read into what someone is saying to try to make it not sound so bad if it's something we don't want to hear, you will have to come straight out and say in no uncertain terms " I do not appreciate your neediness, if you want to be my friend back off". Sorry we're like that i know it's annoying. That other girl is right there's probably somethin wrong with us lol.
    ari914

    Answer by ari914 at 9:57 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I can not believe she is so forward...You may have to firmly but in a nice way tell her what bothers you. Most need their own time to bond with a new LO. Then as far as discipline that is not her place and how can you discipline if she interupts!
    hill2

    Answer by hill2 at 10:05 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Some people are so strange. I can't believe she doesn't get it! It sounds like you have tried to politely tell her but she just doesn't stop...You are going to have to be firm with her. You can still be kind but you need to be completely honest, which is hard, but that's the only way it's going to stop.
    Aquarius80

    Answer by Aquarius80 at 10:14 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Sounds to me that she doesn't have many friends and since you've become her friend she's latched on. Unfortunately she'll get her feelings hurt and will wonder why you don't want her around as much regardless of what you say or do. Maybe you should stop having her around as much and kind of separate yourself, it's a hard position to be in. There are no right answers. Good Luck!
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 10:05 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • your going to have to tell her the way you feel...i remember i had this friend when my dd was born that wanted to watch me change her diaper all the way to helping me fold my laundry! I plainy had to tell her one day!
    courtneycra

    Answer by courtneycra at 10:10 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • You are the "MOTHER" and you are "THE WIFE".......


    REMIND HER, nicely.....(or RUDE-LY want ever it takes")
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 10:50 PM on Dec. 20, 2010

  • Tell her firmly that she's over-stepping her boundaries. Firmly tell her that you don't need her to involve herself in your disciplining of your daughter. Firmly tell her that you already have all the help you need for your new baby. Firmly tell her that unless you say something first, to not invite herself over. Firmly remind her that when she does the things that she's been doing, she's being very rude and inconsiderate. If she takes offense, then she's not worth any of your time.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Yes, I agree with Kathy675. Continue to let her know your true feelings. If she can't understand and gets defensive, you have to wonder if this is a person you can develop a real relationship/friendship with. I can share any feelings with my true friends and the same in reverse. If feelings get hurt, we can talk about it without getting defensive and move on.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:13 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

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