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How do you deal with a foreign MIL

My mother in law is Korean and I am married to her eldest son and this for her holds certain expectations about me. It seems like I am always disappointing her with my American ways and appetite--any suggestions about how to stay myself without continually upsetting her?

 
ROFLMAO

Asked by ROFLMAO at 2:53 AM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I heard recently in Korean cultures the MIL gets to dominate things. Can't remember what this was in context to (one's DH maybe) but I remember cringing and thanking God that mine isn't Korean.

    Maybe learn some about Korean culture so you can behave as she expects a DIL to behave - only during her visits. I know this isn't "being yourself" but worth a shot.

    If not, you can always take taekwondo. That seems to be appreciated LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Talk to your husband. HE needs to talk to his mom and remind her that you are NOT Korean, nor do you live in Korea.
    MamaK88

    Answer by MamaK88 at 3:55 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Wow, I think my MIL might have been Indian in a past life because this is how she would love to be treated. If I were you I would remind your hubby's family that you are not Korean and the customs that your MIL is accustomed to don't fly here. Don't make yourself miserable trying to please her, just be yourself and let her adapt.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:22 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Thanks....i do try to eat the food, and drink the teas (ewwwww!!!!), and I even learned my greetings in Korean, but yes she is very dominating and it seems like I can never please her
    ROFLMAO

    Comment by ROFLMAO (original poster) at 3:09 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Talk this over with your husband and get his advice. He should be able to guide you. Do research on it and learn as much as you can. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:45 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I'm not sure what to tell you, but I wanted to wish you good luck.
    saphire_eyes802

    Answer by saphire_eyes802 at 9:58 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Just try and be understanding. My MIL is from Taiwan, and the head of her family, so she can be very opinionated. I generally listen politely to her advice, and then make my own decisions. Keep in mind that this is your family, for you to shape how you see fit, and if she wants to be a part of it, she will find a way to adapt.
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 4:39 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Many Korean MIL's are a whole lot like many Indian MIL's in regards to the eldest son and their expectations of not only the son but the DIL as well. I'm am the DIL of the eldest son, and we're Indian (and I lived in Korea for awhile..lol)..

    The expectations are things like: be able to cook just like she does.. do his laundry just like she does.. she's always right in regards to anything that conerns him.. she has the final say in everything in regards to the running of the household.. they like to be given some spending money (like an allowance) every week/month.... I know some of these seem funny almost. But that's the way it is really.. lol They are the head of the household (their husband's if still alive may be head of the family.. but not the household.. lol). Things go their way. Shop their way, cook their way, clean their way, it's even expected that you dress to their approval.. lol

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:32 PM on Dec. 21, 2010