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INTERVENTION???????????? adult content

My 16 year old son has told me he is gay, and it nearly killed me last year, but I do believe I'm coping with it, but I still can't manage to accept it. So I want to bring close family members together for an intervention. Yes I said it....an intervention to try to get this garbage out of my son's head. I'm finding trashy photos of women with male genitals on his laptop, and that sent me over the roof. I'm furious, I'm ashamed, I'm terrified to know my son, my "ONLY" son is gay. I don't hate gay people, but I refuse to accept that he is. He's starting to want things associated with women, like boots and jewelry, and I told him I "WON'T" support him if he's going to continue to act in this manner. This is crushing me inside, and it's starting to take a toll on me because I'm keeping all of this inside. His dad does not know. His grandparents don't know. His cousins don't know. No one knows but me, and I can't carry this alone.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 AM on Dec. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (34)
  • its you that needs an intervention mama. seriously. you are going to drive your child away if you continue like this. pray for acceptance in your heart. you cannot change him but you can destroy your relationship with him. and leave him scarred for life. it is not YOUR duty to try and change him as if something were wrong with him. Leave it to God if that is who you truly trust. now you have every right to expect respect in your home from him which includes NOT having porn on the computer . that is totally disrespectful of you and his home. that you should address certainly . but if you do this thing, an intervention and shame him as well as break his heart with your lack of acceptance you will risk losing him for good.
    katiPeas

    Answer by katiPeas at 4:18 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • you're right KatiPeas, but why do I feel so awful?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:22 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • YOU need the intervention. It isnt up to you to how he chooses to live his life. If he is gay then that is his life choice. You dont have to buy the clothes that you dont like, because he is 16 and still under your roof, but you dont get to beat the gay out of him by humiliating him in front of his whole family. As a mother you are supposed to love, respect and accept your child for who s/he is. I dont think he should have porn on his computer and fully support the taking away of the computer and putting a block on it. But is an intervention really the best way you can come up with to tell your family about your son?
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:22 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • well a intervention wont do much but push him away and i dont think you can change him baby just google suppport groups of gay kids.. i went to a sttgl group for kids that are gay transgender transitions lesiban and bisexual (for my job) but thats your son if you push him away you wil have nothing and just because he wants to be gay doesnt mean he will want to be gay forever and even if he does he is your only son.... I think this day and age its really hard for kids to come out and for him to tell you was a big step and its not easy for him so love him as if he was str8 and love him like you were before he said he was gay.... im here for you if you need me :) "this too shall pass"
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 4:25 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • you are sturggling with a shock is all. your beliefs are fighting a war with your heart. pray to let go, to accept. you cannot change him. only God can if that is His will. You can love your son but you dont have to love what you consider a sin. ask him to respect the house rules, enforce the same dating rules for him as you would a heterosexual son, and dont disrespect any boyfriends if they do come around. you feel horrible because you have a strong belief that it is wrong. but i think you should go and learn more about it. there are groups for support for parents in your position. seek them out, just listen with an open heart. you dont have to ever feel that being gay is RIGHT but you can still love your son and have healthy boundaries. you need time to work through this hon.
    katiPeas

    Answer by katiPeas at 4:27 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Honestly, you have to think of this two ways. I don't want to sound mean but, I'm going to be honest. You can ether except him, or not.

    If your the only person that knows, there is a chance he may still be trying to figure it all out. Maybe in time, he may figure out that he is not gay, or that he is Bi. If that is the case, and you out him to everyone, that is just going to make it worse. Ask your self, even if he is, do you want him to lose him? If the answer is no, I would suggest not outting him to everyone.

    If you want the advise of someone who has been in his shoes (I questioned my sexuality as a teen), You need to sit down, in private, and talk to him. Ask him why he feels this way, when it first started, etc. Understand it better, I mean we all "Knew it all" at 16, maybe he just thinks he is.

    But I mean it when I say, if you do not want to lose him, DO NOT GO OVERBOARD!
    dustbunni

    Answer by dustbunni at 4:29 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I would sit down with him and tell him it is unacceptable if that is what your family beliefs are. There is nothing wrong with that. I mean if he murdered someone, you wouldn't overlook that and say nothing would you? You can speak your mind and still love him. Nothing will make you not love him. Not everyone believes it is ok and society keeps trying to make it to where everyone should think its taboo to say otherwise. If you don't think its morally right and that is what you have brought him up to believe then yeah, you need to remind him of that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • OMG the previous person did not just bring in a MURDER comparison. good grief whatis wrong with some people. telling a teen child that being gay is UNNACCEPTABLE is the same as telling them they are being rejected for WHO THEY ARE. honestly. faith should not come before loving relationships with your own children.
    katiPeas

    Answer by katiPeas at 4:58 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • WOA Mama, you really need some help. Do you not realize that you run a risk of either loosing contact with him or pushing him into a severe depression. An intervention will only push him away from YOU and YOUR family. IS that what you want? I have counsiled teens who have parents that treat them the same way you are treating your son. Those kids wanted to DIE is that what you wish for your son to feel that amount of dispare? IT IS ok to be gay and it IS ok to be whatever they are in their hearts. Please do not do this to your son or I fear for his well being.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 5:13 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I do know what I am saying to you. I have a gay son myself. You are in shock BUT if you do NOT learn to accept him you WILL loose him one way or another. You don't need to worry on how long he has been this way. All YOU need to do is work on opening your heart and realizing that he IS a good person, he is still your son. Too many times parents have had to bury their child because they could not learn to put their beliefs aside and just love their child for who they are. Please don't let your son become another tragedy

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 5:26 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

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