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how to handle inlaws

My husbands parents are here and so far making meals I can not eat since on low fat diet and meals my girls will not eat and making them sit there. Yelled at me for no reason. When I say something I get over ruled by everyone. Was gone yesterday and they assigned my girls chores. I have been going through the aspirin. Any advice to handle till end of visit on dec 31. Or things going on as well but since here I can not leave a long note. Thanks for listening and also if I am taking things the wrong way.

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momindiana

Asked by momindiana at 10:18 AM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,326 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • In laws and Holidays are rarely a good mix. Others will probably disagree with me..but I would not be treated that way in MY home. If you were at their house..you suck most of it up. You don't have to be rude to let someone know you will not allow them to disrespect you in your home, in front of your kids. your Husband should be standing side by side on this one. If he isn't he is part of the problem too.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:21 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Couldn't have said it better GrnEyedGrandma
    nicjon

    Answer by nicjon at 10:23 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • well there has to be an end somewere,,if its ur house and they are making ur girls sit down to eat when they dont want to,,over rule them,,tell ur girls they can get up,they dont have to eat if they dont want to,,but say it nice..they realy cant go aginst u becouse ur house ur girls ur rules..in laws do suck!..lol..i know..when ur gone,tell ur girls to stay in there rooms or something,,lol..i know i cant give good advice..the only time my inlaws tried to go aginst how i was doing things with my daughter when she was a baby and i would change her right away when she peed,and they told me to let her sit in it and pee a few times,,thats what dipars are for,,and i said as nice as i could,,no she will break out....if anything have hubby step in when this stuff happens,,his family he should stick up to them for u..
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 10:25 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Husband will not stay on myside. It was the way he was raised and sometimes he agrees with them. Like they are on vacation from school and making all the girls do homework every night. So he is no help.
    momindiana

    Comment by momindiana (original poster) at 10:28 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Your husband is as much at fault as his parents. YOU are his wife, YOU are who he chose to make a family with; that comes first. Period. If he doesn't understand that, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him, first and foremost. Tell him what exactly you disagree with, how his parents are making you feel, how HE's making you feel, and what you would like to change. If there are areas where the two of you have differing opinions (as individuals, not because he's doing what his parents want), then try to reach a compromise.

    If that doesn't work, then take it into your own hands. Talk to your in-laws and tell them what you have a problem with and how you want to change it. Do it respectfully, but chances are they will take offense no matter what, especially coming from you instead of your husband. But you have to let your feelings be known one way or another, or you'll NEVER have any peace from them.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 10:42 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I didn't mean to vote the first answer down. I am on this site with my touch screen phone and I accidentally voted down. How can I reverse that?
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 10:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Honestly I would tell them that they are to respect MY rules, they will NOT undermine my authorthity, and only I will make the meals throughout the Holidays. They have NO SAY. They are guests in your home and will respect your rules. Put your foot down, don't let them over run your home for any reason. You need to take DH aside and tell him to back you up. That they're being disrespectful and it's not going to be tolerated.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:08 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Your inlaws are guest in your home. They cannot come into your house and disrespect you without your permission. Regardless if your husband stands up or not for you, you need to let your voice be heard on things you will and will not accept in YOUR HOME.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:13 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • These in-laws are definitely over stepping boundaries. Now I will tell you, my children are home from vacation and I make them do schoolwork every day because I believe in that. However, it isn't anyone's right but your own to make that decision. I agree. You respect them in their home, they need to return the favor.

    Time to have a big sit down and talk to dh with respect. Let him know that this is not going to continue. Tell him that there are boundaries, and just because they are family does not give them the right to cross those lines. They are being disrespectful, and you would like to welcome them back another time but not if they continue acting in this manner.

    If I were you, I would write out a list of the things that bug you most, or the places you think they are crossing the lines, like the cooking and the homework and the disciplining of your children. It will help dh to see it in writing...men are very visual
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:33 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I'd have a private little conversation with my husband, and then have him talk to his parents. This is your house, yours and his, and they shouldn't be coming in and taking over. They're your guests and they need to act like it.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 12:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

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