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When will my 14 year old learn to take responsibitlity?

My daughter plays a roll and finally I figured this out FINALLY, she is my first born of 4 kids.

Her 2 sisters and little brother are starting to follow in her foot steps, she blames people for her homework sheet not being signed, she forgets to call me when she goes to her friends-hello!!!!, she blames people for everything.

I say I am tired of the blame game and take responsibility. Hopefully she learns quick because I refuse too put up with her bull and Santa might not be coming for her this years-you can't be naughty and get gifts, I am seriously thinkin of returning her stuff and she don't do well in school..

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Asked by KFree907 at 11:33 AM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • she's not going to learn responsibility until you make her

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 11:36 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I wouldn't take everything away at Christmas - in my experience anything of that nature tends to actually make children rebel more. Although I think what's a slightly nicer punishment than that but along the same lines.. is to restrict her usage of the items she does receive for Christmas...

    To be honest I think that you do need to force her to take responsibility for her actions. Show her that her actions have consequences with repeated punishments. My sister is 14 and is exactly the same and basically just needs to be shown...

    Answer by leah_rai at 11:39 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I agree with Leah_rai. Taking her Christmas away will only make her hateful towards you. I'm 22 now, but when I was a teen I was horrible to my parents. Not necessarily lack of responsibility, but just attitude in general. Have you tried to just sit down and talk to her about it...with no yelling or reprimanding involved. Just talk. Tell her that you NEED her to be a good example for her siblings, and you need help with this or that. You love her and you're worried when she doesn't call. If that doesn't work, then....
    my second suggestion would be to tell her that if she can't call when she goes to her friends, then her phone will be taken away, and she will have to come straight home from school and live by a curfew. Something else that would probably teach her a lesson would be to put a password on the computer if you have one, so that she can't use the computer until she straightens up her act.

    Answer by Gemska at 11:49 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I know the feeling........ try giving her even more responsiblity and she can't go wiyh her friends until things are done.

    Answer by chefjen at 12:03 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • oh and go a head and give her some gifts but I would also go get some of that chocolate coal for her stoking. Maybe she will get the hint.

    Answer by chefjen at 12:04 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Does she have a good understanding of what personal responsibility means and how that effects a person over the course of their life time, school, finances, careers, relationships? It might be worth while that while you continue to hold your ground and continue with the consistent punshiments, that you have a heart to heart with her. I explain to my children early on what it meant to be responsbile for yourself and why it was important. My older son was also not setting the best example for my younger son for awhile and it was a matter of expressing how much his younger looks up to him for guidance and how he see's him as a person, and things have changed slowly.
    I've found when I talk to the kids and really listen I can understand what's going on behind their behavior, whether its being mad at me or a friend, sad about something or feeling they are mistreated or want more freedom...this helps me fix the issue Good Luck!

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:45 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I went through this with my oldest dd when she was 12. She is now 14 and just about a saint - no lie. She came to me and said "Mom, I wish I just say what I want to say and not get in trouble and have you really listen." So, from that point on, I made a promise to each of my girls: "I don't care what you say or even how you say it. If you want to swear - swear! Let's just have time where YOU talk and I listen." I also explained that when they were done, I (would take notes) would say "so, you are telling me _________ and ____________ are upsetting you because of ___________, right?" Just to make sure I knew and heard everything they were saying. Then, I would thank them for telling me and work together with them on what we could change and what we just had to accept. It really does help. The more I "give" in to them, the more they have given in to me. HTH!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:21 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

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