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My 14 year old does not follow the rules and yes I apply them...Now what?

She does not call when she gets home, she sometimes does not come home after school-I work and have no one to pick her up, she does not do well in school, does not do her homework-claims she does not have any, she blames everyone for everything.

Yes I do take things away, she threw her tv which she broke and it will not be replaced at all-she has none now-when she didn't earn computer time and threw a tamtrum like a baby. She has to earn computer time and out side time by doing her homework and keep her room clean-she has not done either one.... I am so done with her attitude, blame and of course nasty mouth...... We go to therapy? She is never happy? I am at my wits end. She is not the only child....

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Asked by KFree907 at 11:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Is there a Boys and Girls Club in your town? She could go there after school and give her something to do and guidance in getting her homework done.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:59 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Are you saying you go to therapy, or asking if you should. Therapists can help you a lot on how to deal with her. This is a difficult time. I would keep on being consistent about not letting her have things. But also give her some ways that you can use positive reinforcement. Like if she does this, she gets that. It sounds like you are trying very hard and not seeing results. It's like trying to nail jello to the wall. Just keep at it, eventually it will help. You are doing the right things.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:59 AM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • The trick here mom is never giving up no matter how rough it gets.

    Answer by older at 12:01 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • sounds like you need some intervention and she needs anger management. Call the school councelor

    Answer by chefjen at 12:02 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • WE both go she is driving me nuts.

    Yes, I do. For computer time, she must bring home her homework and have her sheet signed... Wow, It was like a tornado the other day when she said she forgot it... NO computer.....

    I swear I pray everyday I make it, with out having a nervous break down or something....The therapist said I am not picking sides, omg, I am not asking you too, but she must take responsibility... There is always and excuse, why she does not want to do this or that... OMG< I can't take it anymore....

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 12:03 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Sounds like she needs to go to a supervised after school program. As someone else suggested, look in to your local Boys and Girls Clubs.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 1:54 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I know that you work and that you need your job - but your first and foremost job is your children. Your dd has been given way to much responsibility to handle right now and she needs you to take back those freedoms. She needs to have adult supervision from the time she is done at school until you or DH gets home from work. If you have to rearrange your work hours so you are home when school gets done or even go pick her up from school then you need to do it. Going to a friends is a privilege - NOT a right! She should not have any other privileges (computer, cell phone, tv (hers or anyone's), etc) until she earns them with respect and doing as she is expected to do without being told. THAT is when she will be ready for more responsibility. Not before then. If she's going to act like a baby (temper tantrums) then treat her like a baby. Literally. Put a bib on her and feed her baby food. I am serious! Give her mild in a bottle.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:51 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • When she is being sassy stick a nuk in her mouth. Give her a "baby's bedtime" of 7pm. Lights out. Do not give one single solitary inch because she will drag you a mile. It is a battle of the wills and you MUST win it for her to ever respect you. Let me say that again: YOU MUST WIN THE BATTLE OF THE WILLS FOR HER TO EVER RESPECT YOU! Ever heard anyone say that teenagers need their parents MORE than infants and toddlers do? ITS TRUE! Sit her down. Let her know what will be tolerated and what won't. Tell her what the consequences for disobedience will be. STICK TO IT! No matter how hard she makes it for you! When I went through this with my oldest she was 12. She is now 14 and just about a saint - no lie. She took me so far that I had to remove EVERYTHING from her room including sheets, pillow and blanket and she had to earn each and everything back with labor. She cleaned toilets daily. She did ALL the household chores to earn

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:58 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • it ALL back! If she was sassy, back talking, etc she lost it again. I picked her clothes out to wear. Nothing with frills or fancy NOTHING. Plain Jane. No make up. No hair stuff. Just a comb and brush. She was allowed to eat AFTER everyone else ate and then it was only peanut butter sandwiches and milk. Nothing else until her attitude improved. If she didn't want to eat the next meal was breakfast. NO EXCEPTIONS! I didn't send her to bed hungry - she CHOSE to go to bed hungry. You need to make it VERY crystal clear that YOU are the boss and that SHE IS NOT. What you expect her to do WILL be done WHEN you say it is to be done. If you stick to this, I promise you - her attitude WILL change. Also, you said she is not an only child. Make sure to make it abundantly clear to them that if any of them try to copy her behavior the same will go for them as well so they might want to steer clear of following in her footsteps. GL pm me

    Answer by Babylove76 at 9:04 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • My daughter has 3 responsibilities and I don't think it is enough...

    1. home work

    2. keep your room clean

    3. dish night....

    To me she is lucky and still can't do that....

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

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