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Feeling badly ( mother in law who needs advice )

About 2 years ago my son almost gave me a heart attack.... He was 34 years old and of course I dreamed of him getting married and having kids, but I just wasnt ready for it the way it happpened.

We live in a smaller town outside of a bigger city, a couple years ago he moved into an apt. in the city but he would still come over atleast once or twice a week ... Well then one day he came over and sat us down and told us he had gotten married ( city hall ) and his new wife is pregnant, and also has a 2 year old little girl from her previous marriage ( her husband left her and he was later killed in a car accident) ... We were blown away because we never thought he would act so suddenly - he only knew her a little over a month before she got pregnant and then they got married.... Of course I didnt like her at the start, I thought what kind of life can my 34 year old son who enjoys things like museums, classical music, and traditional views ..with a 21 year old girl?

So I was fianlly able to get over her age and hoped for the best before the day came when we could meet her ( a few days after he told us ) ... and then it made it worse, she actually looked like someone from a magazine, she was very curvy and very beautiful and I assumed she must be with my son since she already has one child she just wanted a good life and she knew he had a good job ... they just looked to odd ( i love ym son but he looks like what most people would think of as a geeky teacher ) ...

I just wasnt happy and was so sure that she was using my son. And I admit I asnt very nice to her, and tried to bribe my son to leave her and I would help him raise the baby...

Well nowalmost 2 years later I feel so badly of the things I said and how I acted.... I love her so much ! She is everything I want in a daughter, she is amazing to my son and an amazing mother to my 2 grandkids ( my son adopted her daughter) ... You would never know she is in her early 20s, she enjoys museums and the same music as my son, they are just perfect and she is so kind and does so much for my husband and I ( and even introduced my other son to his now fiance) .....

She doesnt act like she has bad feelings for how I treated her before, but it makes me feel badly, and I wanted to write her a letter or something telling her how sorry I am... Do you think i should, or should I just let it go ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • Tell her you are sorry. Clear the air so you can have a better relationship from now on.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 12:27 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I would definitely write that letter. I am sure it would make her day.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 12:28 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I think that you should write her a letter telling how much you value her now and somewhere in the letter tell her that you are sorry about treating her that way but dont go into details about it just really tell her how much you love her and value her in your life

    god bless

    Answer by Stargatesg1girl at 12:30 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Just write her a note, maybe in a cheesy Hallmark card, saying that you are sorry for the past and that she is the best daughter, daughter in law, etc that you could ever hope for. That you were blessed when she came into your life and you feel a little silly for not realizing it at first.

    If she is the awesome person you have described, she will appreciate it. And chances are that she has already forgiven you.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:33 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Just lay it out for her honestly. I'm sure she will appreciate it, and you will feel better having it off your chest/

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 12:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I agree. Tell her the things you mentioned in one of your paragraphs above about how amazing and loving she is and how wonderful it has been having her in the family. Tell her straight out that you prejudged her and you are truly sorry for it. And that you need to tell her you are sorry. If it were me I would even buy a small gift to include............maybe a small pair of earrings, a pendant, whatever. But I know that might be over doing it. Then forgive yourself and move on to a wonderful relationship with her. I am so jealous!! hug

    Answer by elizabr at 12:55 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I think it is wonderful that you came to your senses. Most MIL's never let go of the "you took my Son away from me" grudge. I think it is very sad that a lot of MIL's miss out completely on the great relationship they could have had with their DIL. Sometimes the unfounded bitterness grows & takes on a life of it's own. I think you should choose some well thought-out words to let her know you are sorry for the past & look forward to sharing their future with them. I would not go into major detail & I would not write it in a letter. I would take her aside for a few seconds and express myself. Best wishes.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:19 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I agree with the others - let her know how sorry you are for the past, and tell her how you feel and how much she means to you.

    Answer by MizLee at 1:21 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I have a nephew who is getting married and I love his new fiance. I make sure to tell her in actions and cards too. I gave her a birthday card and told her how happy I am that she is apart of our family. I also told my nephew that if they ever divorce I get her in the divorce. LOL. Just keep showing her in little sweet ways, give her the card the love and let her know she is a huge part of your family.
    Keep appreciating her as you do now. She was getting to know you too. It takes time and now that you do you realize that she is perfect for your son.
    My nephew is the geeky nerdy type too. I love those guys.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:32 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • you want to hear about an odd couple? im 29, and my husband is 59 today! we just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago, yes it is his!
    don't be too hard on yourself. my parents as well as his family weren't too happy about us at first either. if it will help, sure, write a letter, im sure it will make her feel better. and it just proves you can't judge a book by its cover. you live and you learn. but i do think heartfelt letter would be nice to open for christmas! good luck to you!

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 1:37 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

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