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I wonder why?....

I have a friend that is staying with me a couple nights a week as she is separating from her husband. My SO and I live together, and we've been together for almost a year and a half. She hadn't met him prior to staying with us starting about 3 weeks ago. Anyway, whenever he and I are talking or joking or having a discussion with her, she tends to say "wow", in kind of a snide way like something is wrong.

For example: he and I have an inside joke where if I ask him something or say something to him he'll say "Yes Dear" in a defeated tone. Or if I am joking with him, she'll say it like I am so horrible or something. Last night, I asked him to help me clean up the kids' bathroom because they had just had a bath and toys were everywhere and she uses that bathroom. He was picking up the toys in the tub while I cleaned up the sink and floor, etc. She was discussing an issue with her spouse with me, and I joked that maybe he didn't know it was a problem for her because men are oblivious, and I said right honey. He said "Yes Dear". He and I were completely joking, because we both know he is in no way oblivious and we discuss everything. Her response "Wow".

I'm not really confrontational, so I haven't asked (but I do plan to), but I'm wondering why she would say it. It comes out kind of judgemental, and it's starting to frustrate me.

My SO and I have a good relationship and work well together, so when she says things like that, it makes me feel like she thinks I'm being bossy or crazy or something (and while I have my insane moments, none of these are instances of craziness), and I am not bossy or mean or anything like that. She only does it when I am saying something or doing something never him. And no, I'm not nagging or being a brat or anything. It's usually late when she comes over and he and I are either heading to bed or chilling out on the couch watching t.v. or something.

Maybe I'm just venting. Anyone know why she would act like this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • jealousy?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:05 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • maybe she's being sarcastic too?
    Heidikans

    Answer by Heidikans at 2:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • She's getting a divorce. You are in a happy, healthy relationship. She is jealous, and this is how it is coming out.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Well maybe keep the inside joke to yourselves and not say it around her. She's going through a separation so I can understand she isn't veer happy right now. Maybe she use to keeping tight lipped around her STBX. Maybe she isn't use to the laid back joking of a relationship. Try talking to her. You're doing her a favor and she shouldn't me snippy like she is.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:07 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • You need to tt her and let her know that certain things she says/does are hurtful/insulting to you. You are being a good friend, being there for her, letting her stay in your home, etc. If you don't bring these things up they are going to build up, and cause resentment frm your end. Get it out now, and try to come off as nice as possible, she is after all going through a hard time.
    xoluvmybabiesxo

    Answer by xoluvmybabiesxo at 2:15 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I was going to say something similar to mommy_of_two388...maybe she and her man weren't as loving/tight as you and your DH and she couldn't joke around with him like that so she's kind of surprised by it. Do you know him? Is he more of a dominant type?
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 2:15 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • She is unhappy...maybe she is jealous a little but DO NOT REARRANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE because of her...be who you are in your house and just continue to show her how happy you and your SO are...maybe it will teach her or show her how great relationships should be. Just because her relationship is done doesn't mean you have to change yours to accommodate her feelings I disagree completely with the above poster for saying to stop being the couple you are for someone who is not a part of you and your SO's relationship. Her snipping is her issue and needs to be dealt with through a sit down conversation between you, your SO, and her...SO needs to express his feelings also or she will think you ARE bossy and in charge and in control of the entire relationship as she sees it now...

    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:19 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Also if you and your SO stop doing what comes naturally between you it could potentially destroy your relationship too!
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:21 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Thanks ladies! I do know her spouse, and they are fun loving and can joke. I think it frustrates me because 1. it's hurtful. It suggests I'm doing something to hurt my parnter and I'm not 2. I don't judge her. She hasn't been making the best decisions, but that's not my business. I listen to her vent, I try to help her as I've been through a divorce, and I know how hard it is. But I don't judge her, I don't criticize her, and I don't expect her to do so of me. I have a feeling that she doesn't even realize it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:24 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Why don't you just ask her why she says that or reacts like that? And then you can tell her how you and your honey are, what it means when you two are joking with each other or some of the things you guys say. Good luck!
    Platinum_Mommy

    Answer by Platinum_Mommy at 2:34 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

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