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how to instill the "who cares what they think" attitude in this situation? (vent)

long story short, my parents are buying themselves a new house and sorting "renting to own" to us in their old house. we will pay them the monthly mortgage and they'll kind of be like our landlords, although as soon as its paid off which wont be that many more years it will be our house. i love their house, it's a 2 story, our own yard, plenty of space for us and our 3 kids, excellent neighborhood with plenty of side-walks and playgrounds. community pool/playground/recreation area. its not "ritzy" but its a few steps up from the not so grand apartment we've been living in.

the problem is, im so holding off on telling my mother in law about this. and it's a sure thing, they've got the closing date and everything. hubby keeps wanting to tell her and i keep telling him to wait. she's got such a shitty attitude, i know she's going to say something like "her parents hand her everything on a silver platter". "spoiled brat" stuff like that.

what she will fail to realize is this is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. even though we're moving out of the city and into the country, it's much more developed and there's tons more job opportunites out there than here. not to mention, the daycares aren't as pricey so when our youngest turns 1, i may be able to afford putting our 2 and 1 year old in daycare when our 4 year old starts headstart in the upcoming fall. and even better, my parents will be in the same development, only 5 minutes away if that. they have helped us far more than she has, and we live 5 minutes from her now and she's basically useless. she never wants to visit or anything. so i see absolutely no cons about this, and we won't be far from her, about 25 minutes.

i just dont want to start a fight with her, or hear her nasty comments. i know i should not give a shit, but in the back of my mind i do. i hate being judged by her. her mind is so one-sided and she won't see all of the good coming out of this. hubby is excited and wants to tell her. he doesn't think she'll flip out.. but i know she will. how would you prepare for the shit to hit the fan?


Asked by tnm786 at 6:16 PM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Let him tell her. She can say whatever she wants to him, just so you don't have to hear it. It sounds like a wonderful move for you and your family and if she cannot appreciate the good it will do, she does not have your best interest at heart. If she is as negative as you say, she will certainly have something nasty to say. Let her say it - this is not her decision to make. You know in your heart that this move is right for your family and it sounds as if your husband does too. Let him deal with her - she is his mother afterall. If you do let him tell her, force yourself not to ask him what she said. Her opinion does not matter in this issue.

    Answer by neebug3766 at 6:24 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I know it sounds simple and probably hard to do when ur dealing with a beast of a mother in law but you should just ignore her and stay positive. I would hold off on breaking the news as well, you don't want extra drama where it isn't needed. Good luck with everything.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 6:27 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • She is just bitter. You're already expecting her to get weird, i say let her wallow in her own misery. Rub it in her face & say "HAHA, we have a good life thanks to my parents, they're the BEST". She just seems jealous.

    Don't let her bad attitude effect you. Just let your DH deal with her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • She's a bully. She's jealous of what your family can do for you. Call her out on it. Be proud that you have an awesome adult relationship with your parents and that they are generous with you and your children.

    Tell her, "Then you don't have to come over to our new house if you feel that way about it."

    Just cut her out of your life. Let DH talk to her all he wants. Just don't let him talk to you about talking to her. The less contact and secondary contact (thru DH) you have with her the better. She is a nay-sayer. She wants to bring you down to her level. Cutting her out like she doesn't exist is the only thing I found that works.

    Answer by ecodani at 7:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Very smart...wait as long as possible before you "inform" her of your decision. DH is tricked by his mother, he keeps waiting for the day she is excited for you and him. *sigh* unfortunately it is going to take a few more knocks before he realizes that telling her anything is just asking for more disappointment and negativity. Once you have your closing you will get dh busy packing up boxes and hopefully excited enough about the move to buffer any of mil's trash talk. That is all it is...trash talk remember. No need to sweat it, but do wait as long as possible before you tell her.

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:40 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • How is it handed to you? You are paying for it! My MIL would be the same way though. No matter when you tell her it's still going to be the same drama! I would let him tell her, her opinion is just that, her opinion. Just let her think what she wants, it's not her business.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:15 AM on Dec. 22, 2010